Jumping the Broom: An Anarchist Perspective on Marriage

                                             

       Jumping the broom is a marriage tradition that dates back to gypsies, and was later reborn in the American slave community, when slave marriages were not recognized by the government. Jumping the broom is generally used to describe "non-validated" marriages, as "Broomstick" weddings are typically validated by the guests at the wedding rather than a recognized state. 

     My husband and I have been together almost 4 years now, and had our first child 10 months ago. We are devoted parents both to him, our two cattle dogs, and our grumpy old cat. We have survived 2 home remodels, a pregnancy, an amazing home birth, a move across state lines, and 3 new jobs. We are lovers, partners, parents, best friends… and anarchists.    

                            

     In fact, as “marriage” is defined by the government, we are not married at all. We didn’t ask permission to buy a piece of paper that the government says means we are married. We love each other. We have the same goals. We know the value of a two-parent home, and we believe the most important thing we can do for this world is to raise free men and women. We as partners are the only ones who can define and hold value to the sanctity of marriage.   

     I used to think I was pro- gay marriage. It seemed so obvious to me that an individual has the right to marry whomever he wants, regardless of gender. But I am not for gay marriage, not as it is defined by the state. In fact, I don’t believe in state-defined marriage at all. That doesn’t mean I don’t believe in a gay man’s “right” to get married. The right to marry is an inherent right- as you own your body you alone may choose who you spend your life with. You alone voluntarily enter the contract of marriage, and it is up to you and your partner to define it. Is your contract a monogamous one? Polyamorous? Till death do you part? 

     Asking the government for permission to marry implies that only the state can make your marriage “legitimate.” So who does make your marriage legitimate? Is it your family? God? Yourself and your partner?    

                

     My husband and I are not religious, so for us the answer was each other. We hoped our families would strengthen our bond of marriage by supporting our choice in each other and merging our two families into one. Ultimately they did, but we were met with some opposition at first for the absence of the state in our wedding.    

    We listened to their criticisms with patience and understanding, but their concerns were insulting. Mostly they were worried about what would happen when we eventually separate and who will have custody of our future children. Sadly, it is not uncommon for people to have an “escape plan” when planning their marriages. The problem with escape plans is that it makes it easier to give up, or not work very hard at making a lasting marriage. After all, there are plenty of fish in the sea, right? 

     Of course my husband and I discussed these things ahead of time, and know exactly what actions would warrant divorce. However, we will never have to worry about that because we chose each other very carefully. We were called naïve, saying people change, situations change. I refuse to accept that it is naive to believe in lasting marriage, after all- it has been done before. But for our parents in the baby-boomer generation divorce was, well, commonplace. In fact, all together our 4 parents are responsible for 7 marriages and 4 divorces. Our son has 8 grandparents. It’s no wonder they were concerned!    

     This is what we posted on our wedding website about stateless marriage: 

This will be a STATELESS wedding. 

What does that mean exactly? It means that this will not be a "legal" marriage. We understand that this may raise an immediate level of concern in some of you, but before you get all outraged and start saying really misguided things like, "It's not a real marriage then," or "It doesn't count," or "You are trying to avoid commitment," or "What happens if you DIE," or "What about your future seperation and custody of your future children," etc... Please take a moment to hear us out. 

We believe that "Marriage" is a commitment between two people who have a deep and fulfilling love for each other, along with common goals and values. We have already made a commitment to share our lives and hearts with one another, and we would like to bring our families and loved ones together in celebration. We do not believe that government has any business in marriage, and we choose to leave it out of ours.

If you disagree with the way we choose to celebrate our love, please keep your opinions to yourself. This is a very special day for us, and we refuse to accept criticism or derogatory comments regarding our beliefs on this subject during this time of joyous celebration. However, if you have questions or concerns please ask away! We are happy to explain our views as we are proud and confident in our decision. We hope that you can be supportive and understanding of the way we choose to express our Love and Commitment.  

                   

     

     Our marriage was 'officiated' by our closest anarchist friend, who has been a pillar of support throughout our marriage, even going out of his way to help us move. He wore a yellow and black bow-tie as a symbol of voluntaryism, and gave a killer speech endorsing our stateless marriage as he invited us to share our wedding vows. He goes by  malxdrakon on Steemit.

   

     It was a fairly large wedding at the end of September, with the ceremony lasting all of 15 minutes. And yes, we physically jumped over a broom! We spent about $2500 and had a pig roast, potluck, bonfire, and a band. The party lasted all night and most of our close friends camped out on the property. It was absolutely perfect. 

   Together my husband and I have created a safe and loving environment for our son, and for our future child(ren). It has not hindered us in any way legally, although we did consider writing up a "Vows of Power of Attorney" document, which would basically be 3 powers of attorney documents combined, and would give us all the legal benefits of being married, without begging the state for permission. If this alternative sounds "safer" to you, you can read about it here:  http://bayardssoul.wordpress.com/tag/a-libertarian-alternative-to-marriage/ 

        But in a stateless society who would define marriage?! 

   

_________________________________________________________________________

My name is Aleta. I'm a wife, mother, and philosopher.