The over- and under-the-pants dance: Layering levels of stimulation

Welcome back to the second OMGYES.com episode review! This topic gives partners an impactful tool to help ensure that we are able to individualize the experience of pleasure for each level of excitement that you explore together: Layering. Find out different ways to tweak your touch to create the perfect feeling for your partner.

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For sexually pleasing a male, there is very little know-how necessary to create stimulation that brings him pleasure and as visual creatures, they often don’t require direct stimulation to get things started. Females, while also able to get turned on just from watching arousing images, tend to respond more to touching that provides a greater emotional connection. But female readers are often too aware that no all touches are created equally and sometimes a loving caress can unintentionally translate to over-stimulation or pain. Keep reading to discover the best approach for keeping things fun and pleasurable for all!

The clitoris is the main pleasure button for women that always gets the glory, and rightfully so! The head of the clitoris is full of nerve endings, much like the head, or glans of the penis. The size of the clitoris is very individual but what is universal is that the visible clitoris is only the “tip of the iceberg”. Surrounded by skin that creates a hood, just like the penis, the size of the exposed clitoris will vary for each individual.

Since the underlying structures are obstructed from sight without the help of technology, we will have to get creative to discuss the remaining parts of female anatomy. Considering the embryo does not display external differences in genitalia until 6-8 weeks, it makes sense that the two structures would be similar in function, as they begin development in the same manner. In fact, let’s use a popular stand-in for the male penis to get a bit more acquainted with what some of us are working with.

Did you know that like a banana, the penis shaft is not one structure but three segments?! You can lightly press on the tip of the banana and it will easily separate into three equal parts. The three sections of the penis, two on either side of the shaft and one along the bottom side along the urethra path, are all made of erectile tissues. For females, a shaft branches into two legs that extend down from the base of the head on either side of the vaginal opening as the labia minora, or more the internal lips that stiffen with excitement (If you are unfamiliar with these terms, you can check out my last #STEEMySex article about how to communicate your pleasure, where I shared a great illustration I found of these structures). The underside section for the males is split to become two sections that can be found in the outermost lips, or labia majora that also swell, giving a bit more cushion for the pushin’ in the moment.

Direct clitoral stimulation is often a very extreme level of sensation, and 2 out of 3 women report they are more able to enjoy themselves if there is not direct contact, and this is most apparent during the “warming up” phase when beginning to initiate some sexual excitement. Rather waiting to start the touching when a woman is bare, using layers of undergarments and outer clothing provide a buffer for the sensation to keep it from becoming overpowering. A phenomenon I call “white noise”, too aggressive stimulation without some preparation or too soon after orgasm can lead to a sensation of too much of a good thing, translating into discomfort or pain. This is where knowing how to share the information with your partner becomes essential to ensure that everyone is enjoying themselves.

My personal favorite technique will “trap” my clitoris between my lips by pulling my underwear tight or applying light pressure with my fingers on the outside of my outer lips.

But you can still get off without taking it off! My very first clitoral stimulation occurred by accident, when I was squeezing my legs tightly as I used my hands to walk myself across the length of parallel bars on the playground. I recall dropping to my feet very abruptly, attempting to comprehend what had just happened. As I was still young enough to be playing on the playground, I didn’t understand for some time, but I didn’t need to understand what it was to climb right back up on the parallel bars and give it another spin, embarking on my personal journey of understanding my body, and finally finding some motivation to work on upper body strength ;*

The in-depth information shared by the OMGYes website has descriptions for ways to explore variations in areas like speed and pressure, as well as illustrations for clarifying the techniques. This particular topic does not have an interactive aspect, but it does finish off with a fantastic summary of the helpful guidelines for applying the new knowledge like starting out with less to allow for the warmup of the entire clitoral system, which will tend to elicit systems that create lubrication and lengthening of the vaginal cavity to make penetration, if pursued, more enjoyable for all parties. “Common challenges” are also included, but when a cautious approach is employed (until she is ready and asking for a higher intensity), open communication will allow for any partner to learn where the pitfalls are so they become easy to avoid.

Please let me know any questions or comments that you have about this series and even extra topics that you are interested in hearing about in the #STEEMySex series.

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And remember, the STEEM work makes the dream work! ;*

Banana pic is from Pixabay, collage contains my own images

References:

O’CONNELL, H. E., & DeLANCEY, J. O. L. (2005). CLITORAL ANATOMY IN NULLIPAROUS, HEALTHY, PREMENOPAUSAL VOLUNTEERS USING UNENHANCED MAGNETIC RESONANCE IMAGING. The Journal of Urology, 173(6), 2060–2063. https://doi.org/10.1097/01.ju.0000158446.21396.c0

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