Why I jump out of Relationships before I can get left in ONE ...TELL ME IF YOU CAN RELATE

What’s the importance of having someone to talk to .I’ll tell you an ear lended can stop some one from committing suicide but on the other hand if someone is bent on killing themselves they will and there’s nothing you or anyone can do to prevent…crippling depression, anxiety and self harm are all more common today than ever in recorded history. Why ?
Do you see a correlation between depression and the advancement of social technology is there and indirect relationship between the tech and human happiness?...is it because of social media and peer pressure from classmates to be something you don’t want to be? Is it society saying to you have to go to college, incur debt and possibly a drug or alcohol problem and the only alternative to college is homelessness..is it because we can see through that paradigm that has veiled the faces of generations past???? Tell me
Ill tell you the importance of having someone to talk to is the distance in-between dread and ecstasy. Day and night is the difference, the older I get he more this fact comes into focus. My father once told me when I was 14 and going through the IDGAF phase.. “if you keep this up at this rate you’ll have no one left around you to hurt…No one wants to die alone but everyday feel like karma whopping my ass for all the beautiful caring women whos hearts I’ve stepped on and over.
Its like God Godself has personally given me chance on top of chance to make illustrious relationships but for some reason I will jump out of a relationship before I can get left in one. Yes making out with Peyton all night was great and all my sexual encounters were even better. But I realize NOW what I need more than ever is a real girl with real emotion who really cares.. to talk to , touch, hold and lend her ear to me, experience life and growth with me..NOW I can see clearly @19 years young.. but is it too late??

Will I ever fall in love with a women whose my best friend…I fee emotionally damaged, broken and scattered like I left pieces of myself with every girl I skipped out on or flat out cut them off.. what have I unintentionally done?? Do I deserve this because of what I’ve done?!?

I want to talk but no words come out only cracked air.. I miss running my fingers through your hair Jaria.. I miss you being my personal cheerleader at my football games Deja… I miss sharing new music from every genre and era all day back and forth “ listen to this one its cool” with Gabby the only girl I’ve ever truly loved. 
O how I hate money and what I gave up for it, real relationships for paper.. I’m on a cold streak… you guys and girls reading this, my beautiful audience  . my heart feels cold and heavy.. is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all??? Tell me ?? what’s the importance of having someone special to talk to?? And the ANSWER is exactly this the importance of having someone special to talk to is the difference between love and hate it is the distance between Dread and Ecstasy