Selfish vs Self love?

As a more reserved, introverted person existing in an extrovert-crazed world, this can be something challenging to deal with. You have to figure out the balance between giving to others and giving to yourself and the latter can be pretty difficult.

Society has conditioned us all to believe that giving more than you get is a Godly thing. If you sacrifice yourself and put others first you are considered as a “good person”. If you choose to take care of yourself and do more for yourself than for other people you are considered a selfish or “bad person. One thing we never question is the difference between self love and selfishness. Some of the biggest contributors to this confusion and, quite honestly, imprisonment is religion, education and family.

I consider myself a Christian, more specifically, a spiritual Christian. Now I know you’re either rolling your eyes or you think that I’m a little bit blasphemous. I personally believe that religion was constructed to have us follow a law, making it it easier to police what the masses do and to have control. Who has this control? That’s up to you to decide. Christianity itself is meant to be a way of living, to make you free, make life more enjoyable and to let you live in abundance. Unfortunately, we do not get taught this by individuals and institutions that have distorted the Bible for their own benefit. Christianity is now a form of imprisonment where it is seen as “Holy” to sacrifice your joy and freedom. God is love but religion is not.

I am a firm believer in education. Life is full of endless learning (or creating for those enlightened beings). When I talk about imprisonment through education I am merely talking about the education systems that exist in the world. We all go to school and are forced from a very young age to behave in a certain manner, think in a certain way, be good and follow orders but still be highly extroverted, social and fun. If you go against any of these mentioned traits you are labelled as “bad”, “rebellious” or even a “loner” (which I do not think is such a bad thing). I firmly believe that human beings were created to be different from one another. We were made “in the likeness and image of God” meaning that God is experiencing Himself in many different ways. Going through school system causes you to suppress who and what you naturally are through teaching and learning that replicates the production of canned food in a factory.

Family is the most sensitive of all. We are all taught that family is the most important thing in the world and, believe or not, I agree with that. But, what if your family is detrimental to your mental, psychological and emotional health? Is it right for you to cut them out of your life if they are like energy vampires towards you? A lot of people are looked down upon for letting a family member that is an alcoholic, a drug addict or a narcissist go but how much must you be willing to endure. This one is a very difficult one but I still believe that you must take care of yourself, whatever that means in the context of your situation.

These are some of the few factors that interfere with a healthy relationship with yourself. As a reserved, introverted and empathetic person I often find myself doing a lot for other people because I have been told my whole life (by religion, education and family) that I am a “good person” because I am quiet, diligent, kind and helpful. Lately I have started realizing that having all these traits is exhausting and unfulfilling because I do what is expected of me in order to uphold these “compliments”. I have resorted to stepping back (in my case, only momentarily) but I have been met with disapproving stares and words such as “why do you like spending time alone?”, “why are you being so quiet” or “you are selfish”.

I believe that the difference between self love and selfishness is the source. With self love, you depend on yourself to take care of your own inner world. With selfishness, you depend on other people and external circumstances to take care of your inner world. Unfortunately, we live in a world where the latter is the reality for the majority and I have found myself taking care of a lot of people that think that I am the source of the happiness and peace. This makes me a target for blame when these other people are unhappy with themselves.

Removing yourself, temporarily or permanently, from situations that do not serve you is a power move. It is a form of showing yourself some respect. If someone drains your energy we should have the right to say “no, thank you” and move on regardless of what you have been brought up to believe. If each person on this planet was responsible for their own mental and emotional wellbeing (which we all are but have been conditioned to think otherwise), the world would truly become a better place.

It has become an expectation for me to do the giving and for others to do the taking but surely, at some point, there will be nothing left to give. What is the saying? “You cannot pour from an empty cup, take care of yourself first”.