Tough Love-- Heart Break

Heartbreak...
the rejection of being left,
to see the object of your desire move away from you
can feel like your are being torn apart on multiple levels.

There are no comforting words in the initial moment of darkness. People always wonder, "How can I break someone's heart nicely?" There is no nice in heartbreak. There is considerate, proper, honest, but it will never feel good to hear that it is over. Even when everyone knows it is over. Someone must go first, someone must trust. Just as a commitment brings two hearts together, a commitment to the end also becomes necessary.

"How do I get through this? Why did this happen?"
Heartbreak comes in many forms, not just the dissolving of a partnership, but friendships and loss/death.

You fall in love, and if it ends, it feels like a free fall into a terrible emptiness.
But there is always something just beyond. Remember that, it is never as terrible as it seems.
YOU ALWAYS GET THROUGH IT.

And here is the thing, you are allowed to wallow, to feel that stuck terrible hopeless feeling. You are allowed to complain, and dwell. This is the letting go, the purification. Let your pain be seen and heard, so that you may get BORED of it. So that you don't let it grow inside of you, let your little pain live out in the open, it's short pathetic life. Be dramatic and spoil yourself.

Give it a month, a good month, maybe a few.

But then STOP. Just stop.
After about a month, you are just feeding it garbage. After a month obsessed with an ex, what he/she is doing, what they did to you-- that entire story is just a fantasy, just YOUR story that you continue to embellish and exaggerate. If you find yourself in this place, then realize:

It is no longer about the other person. This is about you struggling with a deeper problem based on an event or person that is LONG OVER.

When this happens, you need to make yourself whole. You need to stop wishing, crying and thinking in circles. You are flowing important energy out in the form of:
holding on, loving an illusion, fantasizing, focusing, wallowing

And when you act like the victim in this way, after 3 months, or a year of losing someone, what you are doing is really an act. Maybe it feels real, but it isn't reality, it is a form of comforting and proving something to yourself, but it is wasting time and energy that you could be using to create something better and healthier.

There is an entire world to explore. Friends and family that love you, and when it doesn't seem like that, it still means there are people you don't even know who want to love you. You have to be available, you have to be free from the heavy weight of old ended stories. Memories that hold you captive, are simply keeping you in prison.

It sounds easy, but we all know it isn't. In truth we are here for each other during these times, just don't chase the dead, or the lovers who need to move forward with out you. There is your story which you write, and after loss, you can chose any happy ending you can think of. You can fill your life with the good feelings that are available in the simplest ways: kittens, baking cookies with friends, collecting rocks, laughter, warm water, celebrating the shape of clouds, meeting new people, exploring a place you've never been... what else is on your list?

I drew this picture during hard times: