Relationhips, priorities, and choices ...
The phone rang on Thanksgiving day as I sat by the fire enjoying my ritual viewing of Planes , Trains and Automobiles. My girlfriend was on the phone, she had traveled to her parents to spend time with family over the holiday. We were duscussing her visit and talking about her flight back Monday morning. The conversation suddenly shifted, with the declaration of her intention to move back to Oklahoma from Oregon after Christmas. The news was not a surprise because I knew she was homesick and missing her family.
Thoughts began to flood my mind about the last two years as a couple. Last September she moved with me after I was offered a job which was a career advancement. The job market in Oklahoma has been really bad due to the crash in Oil prices, and I had been out of work for over a year when I accepted my current job. At the time, we both had a lot of enthusiam; Her's was for a new adventure because she had lived in the same place since her divorce, and mine for a new job and the financial opportunites. As we settled in to our new surroundings after the move. Reality hit and it was obvious that she was not happy. Compliants about the new sourroundings, and the different culture became a daily affair. She made no real efforts to adjust , or meet people who had similar interests.
This was the same woman who a few months ago talked about wanting to travel and experience life, someone who had big dreams and ideas about world travel. Those dreams were some of the reasons I fell in love with her. We would often talk about reducing the amount of material possesssions, and living life free of matieral chains. The longer we have been together the more I have learned that we want very different things from life. I don't want a large home . She deisres a large house. I love bicycling every chance I get, she has disdain for outdoor activity.
Most importantly she wants to be very close phyiscally to her family. I continued hearing her voice over the phone half engaged in the conversation and in my thoughts about our relationship. Suddenly the words "I am not leaving you for my family, I am leaving your job for my famikly". It was like being hit with a car, she was telling me I needed to quit my job if I wanted to be with her. I told her that's not possible; like everyone else I have bills, a mortgage, and student loans. An inability to pay is just not an option. She knew I was looking for a job to make a her happy, but I was not leaving a job for unemployment. As we continued to talk my mind went on auto pilot again thinking back to the fact that what brought us together ended up not being real, her dreams were just fantasies when the rubber hit the road, and my dreams are my goals , the desired future state I want to reach.
The question remains do you stay with someone for love, and be miserable because you find out one of you wants what the other does not, or do you adapt and accept their wants over your's knowing you are making a sacrifice of your dreams? More simply put, when is love not enough ?