Deepest Regret

Maybe tonight is the last time for me to enjoy the dark sky laden with stars. Maybe the air I breathe right now is the last bit of breath I can feel. Could be also this second is the last second I can still spur my bike as fast as this. Everything I experienced is like a slow flash of a movie. Everything happens slowly, like a slow motion scene. Suddenly I was lying on the cold asphalt. My head is dizzy. My hair was sticky. My body seemed to break all. My whole body was almost numb. All I have in mind is, "I'm going to die tonight, I'll leave everyone around me."

I can remember clearly, the last time I met all the people I loved was a sad moment. My relationship with Retro was on the edge, then unilaterally I shouted the word 'break' to him. I look sharply at Retro's face, this guy who has been my girlfriend for a year now. I was annoyed and eager to hit him many times. It's been a long time since we've been together or together to tell stories, but he still has no time for me. Yet a month more we did not meet, and I really miss the guy who is two years older than me. But in reality he prefers his duties rather than walks with me.

"God, Canny ... I'm confused what to say to you. Not that I prefer my job to you, but you know I'm busy lately? "Retro said as he ruffled his hair.
"If you prefer me, then you luangin your time for me for a moment! Now I'm lonely, you know I'm having problems with my Papa-mama again? "I shouted back.
My beloved came closer and touched my hand gently. "I'm going to spend my time, but wait for all these tasks to be finished. Promise, deh. "

Ah, dating there as your duties are finished one thousand a thousand !! "I cackled, may have the effect because today I am middle PMS.
"Do not sulk, Can. Please understand me, "Retro pleaded earnestly.
"How long should I understand you? I guess we're not getting fit, better if we break up! "
The man who is always patient with my childish attitude is shocked, he holds my hand.

"From this moment on, we are DESIRED !!!" I shouted as he brushed his hand away.

That's our last dialogue, and now I'm crying in this silence. In death ready to meet me. Even with my numb body, I can feel the gnawing pain inside me. Retro is a good guy, he does not deserve to be treated arbitrarily. Though he is the only guy who understanding me, he is always there for me when needed. He should be going out with a girl who is more beautiful, patient, and understanding than me.

I do not want our last meeting like that, I wish we were always together. If we can continue together until the end of life. I have not had time to say "I Love You" to Retro, even though we've been dating a year. Though Retro was always waiting for me to whisper the short but sacred sentence to him, and in fact I have not had time to say it.

A month ago when we were very busy, Retro took the time to call just to take me to the amusement park as soon as his work was done. Again, in fact I will never be with her, because my time is almost done. I am very sinful. I really do not want to leave my dear Retro boyfriend, because he owes a lot to him. I've never kissed her right on the lips, because I hesitated and thought it must be funny. I never made her favorite food, because I was lazy and could not cook. I'm so sad and guilty that all Retro wants is that I love him back, but I treat him cruelly.

When I was angry, he was willing to be samsak so I could hit him. While walking to the mall, I always walked in front and let Retro dangle carry my groceries. Retro always let me eat lunch so I do not go hungry while he himself must be hungry. And there are many more sacrifices of that brown-haired guy to me that countless.

I want to kiss her gently. I want to cook her favorite grilled fish. I want to hug her tightly and will not take it off. I want to accompany him for a walk on Christmas Eve. I want to reward her a favorite Retro book. I also really want to shout out the phrase, "I love you so much, Retro Samuel Diantra !!!"

Between real and false, I find Retro looking at me sadly. I never saw him so sad. The handsome guy looked so devastated, and I really wanted to hug and calm him down. Unfortunately my body has been paralyzed and I can only feel the nanar that he emits from his eyes. Seconds later he knelt down and grabbed me, it was the warmest hug I ever felt. The tears fell along with a sentence that made me feel tight and tearful at the same time, "I love you, Canny Putri Siliata." My crying eased off, along with the disappearance of my heartbeat. Give yourself a chance to reciprocate Retro's words, my God.