Writings from my soulmate, a memory that will forever be with me
Had to share these beautiful words from my husband, a memory that will forever be ingrained in me. Thought others could appreciate his gift of writing and also this lovely memory.
Here is something that I wrote recently after sifting through some travel journals. A stream of consciousness rooted in a powerful memory:
I am remembering when Laura Lee put up pictures of India above our bed. It was at least a year before our wedding, and we had decided that we were going to go there on a trip. A honeymoon. Do honeymoons have a maximum time limit? No, not for us anyway. We then spent most of our time working, saving money, making plans, and hiding from places that required us to spend money. We worked opposite shifts, which meant we only saw each other at night. I remember seeing her on our wedding day and thinking, “Wow, she looks really amazing in the sunlight!” It was very hard on us. I am remembering all of this because of one of the photos that lived on the ceiling over our bed. The photo of the Golden Temple in Amritsar.
It is February 2012 and I am weeping. My knees are on a white marble floor, and the stream of tears is falling into a pool of water. The tears are of joy, of anger, of regret, of joy again, of great sadness, of relief, of exhaustion, of amazement, and of awe. The slough of emotions invokes the words of William Blake that I had written into my journal before leaving Canada all those months ago. Joy and woe are indeed woven fine, as I come to viscerally know his poem. Through the tears I can make out some golden shapes in the pool of water. I wipe my eyes and I can’t believe how blue the water is. I don’t know how long I was feeling and releasing all of those emotions. The shapes are fish, ranging from golden-orange to white with black spots. Are they Koi fish? I am wondering what they might be called here in Punjab when I look to my left and see that Laura Lee is in the same state as me. She hasn’t bothered to wipe her eyes. She feels everything so much more deeply than I do. What is it that has moved us like this? In a deep way, I know the answer. It is too complex to bring into the realm of words right now. For now, I will just know it.
To my right, an old man walks into the water of the pool. I realize now that there are steps for this very purpose. He cups the water into his hands and brings it to his mouth, drinking with such serenity. He then goes deeper in order to cleanse his body. I think about how humans are made of mostly water, and I see less of a difference between this man and the water than I did before. Humans and water flow through each other. I stand up as I look ahead towards the centre of the pool. The Golden Temple. There is only one pathway leading there, it is on the far side of this massive marble tank of green-blue water. Looking around, I see that everyone here carries themselves with such serenity and joy.
I can feel the weight of what it took us to get here being lifted away. As I watch people cleansing themselves with the water, it is as if I am also being cleansed. Laura Lee stands up and we look into each other’s eyes. Without words, I know that our feelings are aligned. Our dreams are endless, and standing here now is proof that they can be realized. We begin to walk towards the temple, which to us was just a photo on the ceiling of our old bedroom until now. We know now that we can accomplish anything.
APH