A HEART ACHE...

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Not so sure if it’s cool to say this but I'm not a very strong person when dealing with emotional situations, this is why I broke up with my first girlfriend for more than six times before we finally parted ways.

She would always come crying and making promises every time she did something wrong, when I hesitate, she would threaten to kill herself, even though I knew she wouldn't, I'd melt and hold her, at this point I always have to let go and forgive her.

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This doesn’t stop her from doing it again repeatedly but time after time I have to forgive her. Sometimes I sit and think to myself, I’m very much aware of how badly I’m being taking advantage of but yet, I couldn’t just let go, was it that I was too emotionally attached to her or I was scared of what the world looked like outside my relationship.

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I didn't love her anymore neither did I have the heart to let go. I had lived in so much pain for so long it became like a skin on me. This was what I could call love gone wrong, I was tired of getting paranoid over her no doubt but now I was fighting internally, what happens now when I let it all go, sure I would meet someone new but yet start another cycle that’s not guaranteed to be better off. so I stayed, hoping that she would wake up one day to realize I didn't love her anymore and we were not meant to keep being together.

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I couldn't leave but the truth is I wasn’t going to keep on being a prisoner or that situation, after making it clear about how I felt over one or two arguments, I decided not to care anymore about what she was doing and before I knew it, I was more focused on my happiness and growth. She saw this as me moving on and did the same.

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I must admit I didn’t plan to and neither was that my focus but after a month in different cities we met up and she told me about her moving on with someone else, I was sad but it was for the best, so I showed support as I should have. Now what I got out of all this was knowing when something really isn’t working, don’t force it or wait time on a heart break, you deserve better, move on and find your happiness elsewhere.