Reclaimation of Self

So there, on my knees, I found myself, arms spread wide, welcoming the invigorating strength of the oceanic surf.

Wave upon wave pummelled me until my armour fell in tatters

I am naked and that which had masked the bloody gashes to my innocence is gone

The ocean waves continue to batter and penetrate me

Cleansing salts, both burn and heal

and rivers of tears flow and mingle with the pounding sea

tears following the twisted seaweed path of where I regularly abandon myself

by being deeply drawn to those who aren't reciprocally inclined, to those who perfectly show me who I am and where I am hurting…

I feel vulnerable and tender and there are voices from my depths shouting

"Batton down the hatches! Activate the shields of imperturbability!"

I appreciate them. They seem to care. But I know better.

The ocean is pounding me reminding me why I am here surrendering to this cleansing . . .

Only I can love myself…I need to cease abandoning myself to the lions den . . .

The hurt is real. I can't keep pretending that I am tough and not hurting…