Parenting... and dealing with disappointment

Bad news has struck. It is confirmed that the littles father will not be taking her the dance. I know that people probably think I am happy about this. I’m not just so everyone is aware. I am actually very upset. Not that it’s my business but she is my business. She is acting like this doesn’t bother her but I know better, I have been the kid that hoped a parent was going to show up and they let me down. I feel like that was my whole life and I never wanted her to feel that way. Alas she does even if she doesn’t act like it. She is a strong kid and I know she will bounce back but still she shouldn’t have to know that disappointment.

In my opinion, a parents job is to make sure that their child or children feel safe and loved. Many may disagree with me but in my life that is how I feel. When a child in a situation like my little, it is even more important that she knows both of her parent love her and that they would do anything for her. I feel as though her father has dropped the ball. She is the one hurt in this not my wife or myself. When a child feels shut out from the other parent they will start to resent or nit pick about the other parent or step parent, a child will often blame the parent or step parent that is there because they don’t want to admit or face the reality that their other parent failed them. I make these statements because I myself did these things and I believe at times my brother did as well.

I was more of a be strong kind of kid but that doesn’t mean I didn’t have my moments. I am the oldest of my siblings so I had to set a example. I would try to be a good role model but because no one is perfect I failed or made mistakes that I am not proud of. My parents divorced when I was like 8, my brother was 4. My dad had full custody of my brother and I, because he faught for us. Which wasn’t much of a fight because my mother really didn’t. My mother would get us every other weekend, that’s what was agreed, although that is not what happened. When I think back to my childhood I am filled with happiness but also a great sadness. Thinking back to when we were young, I remember going to my mothers but I also remember the weekends where we sat and waited and she never came. This is why I know how she feels, I also know who she blames. When I was a child I did not want to believe that my mother wouldn’t show up, so I blamed the person who had us all the time. My dad was there always so when it came to her not showing up it had to be his fault in my mind. Even though now as an adult and a parent I know he had nothing to do with my mothers choices.

With these thoughts in mind I know that she blames us for 2 reasons. She blames us because in my opinion it’s a normal thing but she also blames us because her father blames us. Its always our fault. We can tell her until we are blue in the face that we had nothing to do with him not showing up but because he doesn’t take responsibility for not coming, we get the blame. Like I have said I understand but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t upset me. My wife Is and has been a great mom since the start just like my dad has been a amazing father (even though right now he is saying no I wasn’t), he made mistakes but name a parent that doesn’t, anyway, my wife gives her all to our little and it makes her mad and sad that he does this to the little. When she talks to the little, the little acts as if her mom is lying to her. I can tell you all that is one thing we do not do, we don’t lie to the little. We talk to her and we have been honest even when she doesn’t like our honesty. We don’t like to sugar coat things because then if or when the truth comes out it will not be a why did you make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal. When it comes down to the little, we are wrong and her father is right. It may hurt now but we try to remember that one day she will realize we are not the enemy.

When it came down to this dance I really hoped that he would come, not for any other reason but that she really wanted him to be there. When he let's her down it makes me very mad! How hard is it to come see your daughter? I haven't had any biological children not because I don't want them but because right at this time in my life my body isn't allowing that to happen. So for a person that helped make this beautiful little girl to not take the effort to see or talk to her it infuriates me. A child is a precious gift that every parent should treasure. He doesn’t even seem to care and that upsets me very much because she doesn’t see it that way and he makes it out that we don’t want her to be happy and that’s why he doesn’t see or talk to her. I am here to tell you that is so far from the truth, I might not be very fond of her father but I still want him to see and talk to her. I do not and will not ever be happy with the way he is towards her. He blames my wife and uses that he doesn’t wanna deal with her as a excuse not to have anything to do with his daughter. My feeling is and has always has been you helped make it you are stuck dealing with the other parent until the child is eighteen. My parents weren’t fond of each other but they still tried, and my parents were like fire and ice, very different.

I have been lucky, at least in my teenage years, I have an amazing step mother. She is not only my step mother but she is one of my very best friends. When my dad married her I was over the moon because not only was she great for my dad but she also was amazing for and to my siblings and I. Let me say this first, I love my mother, but I see where I rank in her life. She has helped me but not without a cost. She chose who her family is even at the expense of my brother and I. I feel like that is what the little's father is doing to her. I am trying to be like my step mom, loving, care and know that I am there for her. My step mother is my role model and look up to her more then she knows. I strive to be that type of mother figure.
I am not saying my mother is not a good mother but her priorities are mixed up. Just like the little's father, I feel as though his priorities are mixed up. I am not trying to offend or upset anyone that reads this whether you are a full time parent or a sometime parent. I just put down my feelings and my life experiences. I hope you continue to read and follow my posts. Until next time, remember to show love to your kids, spouse and family always. As always if you want to comment a concern or experience please do.