Dad Breaks Up With Mom—How Can You Make the Connection Again?

When Dad breaks up with Mon and she takes custody of the children things can get out of hand. The father may abandon you and the children, refuse to buy food, pay rent and school fees.

Can you reconcile with your Dad? Not an easy question, after what you have experienced. At present, he may be living with a step-mom. Worse still, he may be an alcoholic or drug addict. He may have other children he is looking after, and he no longer takes you as one his children. It may be hard for you to comprehend what wrong you have done.

He abandoned you when you are young, and you have no meaningful relationship with him. He is disconnected and distant. The last time you met him, he was harsh and unsympathetic. He shrugged his shoulders and told you that he doesn’t care. How can you reconnect with a person like that?

First, try to forgive. Forgive, you say? Yes. Forgiving means accepting his behavior—what is—not the situation you wish. You let go of the hope that things will be better and take what is on the ground. You stop the bitterness, anger, and resentment and accept your father as he is. Forgiveness means you are ready to start a new relationship.

You let go of your pride and start asking questions, but don’t prejudge his answer. Ask him why things are going the way they are. Your aim should be to get a discussion going. If he doesn't respond, gets angry or gives you a mean reply, show emotional maturity by not personalizing the response. He may feel ashamed or guilty.

If everything doesn't work, after trying for a period, broach the idea of therapy by suggesting that you talk to someone neutral to try to bring you together again. Your Dad may sense the love and the desire for connection and respond positively.

If you find it difficult to forgive and talk to your estranged father, go to a therapist. A therapist is unbiased, unlike family members and friends. Therapists let you pour out your heart and express your feelings. After offloading your hurt, disappointment and false hopes, you will feel better.

Your father may feel regret that he abandoned you when you were young. Listen to his story. He may feel hurt that he allowed his relationship with your mother to crash. He may be keenly aware of the role he played in the breakup.

If you are a Dad, don’t make it hard for your son or daughter to connect with you again. The children are innocent; don’t involve them in your misunderstandings with your ex. You should be trustworthy with them. When you promise, fulfill and make them feel they are loved. Show empathy and get to know them better. Share stories that are upbuilding and create new memories with them.