Imaginary Girlfriend
Definitely, she is beautiful. She can have as much beauty as I want. Her beauty is that much that I can't even remember her face.
So now for a clear picture, I can say that she is a mix of Monica Bellucci(Malena) and Nicole Kidman(Eyes Wide Shut ). As time passed I waited for her to come to my life. She comes in my dreams once or twice per year.
Even if it's a very short time I get to spend with her I really enjoyed it. Because the feeling of being with her stayed long. So I waited for her.
I don't have that many goals in my life. Now I think that having a desire to become someone doesn't make sense. You don't know what happens next even if you are hundred per cent sure about something.
Sometimes the whole world can come against to stop you.
(paulo Coelho just said the opposite)
Whoever comes I don't care. My life's destiny is to find her.
I'm kind of a rational person, But not an atheist. I don't know God exists or not.But I want him to exist. Because if he exists then there will be more chance that I will meet her. The life without God and Devil is so boring. I heard some boring philosophies like God and Devil exist in us. That's bullshit. It's created by boring philosophers to hide the reality.
Afternoons are totally boring. Everything is crystal clear with that sunlight. I hate it.Because then no need to doubt this boring reality. I love mystery and darkness because she exists there. I love that incompleteness. Because I can complete the rest with her thoughts.
I thought setting up her as my destiny was the best thing happened to me. Each day was meant something for me. Because I don't know the path to reach her. So without knowing the path I can go through anyone I want without regret. I was not like those people with big lifestyle goals who want to reach the top of everything. They are needed to travel on the boring predestined path. I was not bounded like that. Sometimes I think she is the one who set me free.
Now I am much concerned about some other thing. Now I doubt her. I think she is fake. She is just hiding something from me. I thought in this fake world she was the only real one. I thought that I can depend on her. Now it's changing. I don't know what to do. My whole life looks upside down to me.
It's her time to justify herself. I will wait until she responds. I'm out of moves. Now it's just easier because no need to make a move but it hurts a little bit.