How to be happy part II: the theory

It is our default state to be happy and we all work to that goal, one way or another. We all want to be happy and so this whole ‘how to be happy’ will be separated in four parts:

The first is about my life
The second is just pure theory
The third will be practical tips
The fourth will be about self-reflection

In this part I want to tell the theory. The things I am going to tell you guys here are the keys points that I still remember and know from all the books I have read by now.

To begin this article I need to stress that it is in our own interest to be negative and by doing so making us unhappy. People who think negative don’t take as much risks as someone who is always optimistic and this is good from an evolution point of view. Let me give an example: the prehistoric men wanted to jump from one tree to the other for the food that is hanging in there. The persons who thought that they couldn’t do it were looking for another way to get there. The persons who thought they could make it, jumped and some of them succeed and other failed, which resulted in dead and those genes stopped existing. Those who did it and succeed could eat as much as they want because there weren’t many men around eating in that tree. When the men who played it safe came, there was still food left only not as much. So they got a reward, only not the full reward.

Even today there are people doing things that you think to yourself ‘what were they thinking?’
Although that was in prehistoric times it is still wired in our brains and that is a good thing. Because you can unwire them and install new ones by stopping the old pattern and installing a new one. Most of our negative thinking today inhibited our full potential. Just look around you: how many people don’t want to be earning more money? Or wanting to be famous? Or …?
They talk about their hopes and dreams they have and in the end they always end their talk with ‘ it aint gonna happen.’ No matter how you talk to them they always have an excuse of not doing what they should do to reach their dreams and hopes.

We all know stories about people who tried and made great risks to reach their dreams and some will succeed another will fail. That’s like the prehistoric man who jumped from one tree to another. Some succeed, others died and the rest are trying the saver way, which means their rewards is less.
I personally know a man who has tried two times to start a company and failed tremendously and is now in dept. So much that he has to pay his creditors every month for the rest of his life. So that is a story of someone who jumped to the other tree and didn’t succeed. But there are people who jumped and succeed. Here on steemit is a person who did just that. He saw an opportunity and jumped to the other tree with success. That person is: @dollarvigilante

You always have to considering the risks before you decided to make the jump. It isn’t just ‘jumping’ you need to do it is hard work when you want to make your dream come true, if you want to have success. That’s the next thing in this theory: people always react on things without living or acting conscious. We just do and react to different stimuli in our brain, because through time those neuro-wiring had been made. Like for example victim mentality: there are people who always take the role of victim even if they have not reason for it. This mostly comes from every time they were a ‘victim’ they got love and support in return.
I had and at times have a victim mentality, this came from my time of bullying. When I talked about how they treat me and what they have done to me, I got love and support in return. People want to be loved and supported, because we get a great feeling when we get it. So people as I was to, get preconditioned that if you want to be loved or get support, you need to be a ‘victim’ of some sort.
They always think that the word is against them, that people are there to get them and most of them have inferiority complex.

Then there are people who do things in the hope they can get something back. Mostly it is like this: I help you now, so you MUST give me something back sooner or later
99% of the people are this way. Even I have acted this way and lost a friendship due this. It is very egocentric if you think about it: you only do stuff for people, not because you want to or like to, but because you demand something in return. What that is, is depending what you want: love, respect, help, … I even know a caregiver that does it for free to stranger just so that people would like him more. The moment you don’t like him back or don’t want to help him, he gets mad. Because you don’t love him back.
Unfortunately the world doesn’t work that way, if you want something in return, than you make a deal beforehand and not afterwards. Of course many people will help you, that is human nature. We help our peers, we still are a herd animal.

The reason why that caregiver does that for free in his free times is because he is overcompensation. When we have in our inner self a shortage, we tend to take it from the outside world. If you don’t respect yourself, you want to have respect from others. If you don’t like yourself, you want that people like you. If you don’t love yourself, than you want to be loved by someone. The problem with overcompensation is that it is never enough. It’s like mop with a tap, it just doesn’t work. The problem isn’t the world around you, but how you feel and think about yourself.
Another way of overcompensating is putting people down so that you can feel better about yourself. People who have been bullied, can start bullying someone else. It is an overcompensation behavior.
I always see it as a balance. If the balance has too much weight in one scale, then you tried to put more weight in the other scale so it can compensate. The problem with it is that you can put it back in balance, but it just a temporary solution. After some time the weight in one scale will be to high again and the process repeats itself.

If you have some shortage in yourself the best way to deal with it isn’t to compensate with the outside world, because you can’t control the outside world. Many guys have self-esteem when they have a girlfriend. I was just the same if you have read my story. Life is beautiful and everything is great in this world until the girl you love doesn’t love you back anymore. You are building your happiness, or whatever you are trying to compensate on something you can’t control. It would be the same that your mood is depending on the weather: if the sun is shining you feel great, when it doesn’t you feel sad. You just can’t control the weather.
What can you do so that your happiness isn’t depending on the outside world? What can you control and how do you build your happiness on it? How do you deal with your overcompensating behavior?
How do you get rid of the victim mentality? Well those answers are for the next part.

Until then take care!