Diabetic, Morbedly Obease, Steditary Life Style, Major Depression Disorder, and In Cronic Pain just to name a few

So as I was saying. October 17th 2017 the day I was awakened. You see for ten years physical pain and more importantly, the pain meds kept me in a state of perpetual fear. Fear that my life was reduced to how much could I endure. Daily chronic pain that overshadowed everything I knew and loved. The sad part is the medicine I was taking to cope with the pain did far more damage to me than all the painful days and sleepless nights. I can see now, after just a little while how much of my life I had stopped participating in. My marriage, my role as a father, my business, my friends. Nothing was as important as avoiding the pain. And as the years progressed so did my tolerance to the meds. Which was elevated by the first Doctor I had the misfortune of meeting. You see this "Doctor" and I use that term lightly, to say the least. This man in 5yrs had me go from nothing to the legal maximum limit of cancer patient level pain meds for back pain. Yes, my pain was and is just as real today. But I know now that the medication was adding to my issue and not relieving it. I can't explain it, words fail me but I will try. I didn't realize just how much of my every day revolved around pain, the fear of more pain and how I needed more and more of the meds witch actually didn't EVER take away the pain. At first, some but as I developed a very high tolerance it became an exercise in futility. It clouded my mind and emotions. Made it impossible for me to sleep. Took away the ability for me to find different coping mechanisms to deal with the pain. I had no ambition to actually change my circumstances. Then when my "Doctor" lost his license while I was out of town for two months for work. I came back to no safety net. Just a locked door with a note. Not to mention hundreds of patients had already flocked to whatever Doctor they could find here. Witch left me the odd man out. Anyway here I was still suffering and now going through withdraws. But instead of facing the fear and doing everything possible to improve my health. I ended up finding a Doctor that would carry on the "treatment". Now, this new Doc wasn't grossly negligent and only prescribed a third of what I was on. And yet it was just enough to keep me stuck. I can't describe how powerless and apathetic I felt towards every single thing in my life. It became overwhelming. Then the depression set in. The real anguish had just begun. Money, drugs, sex, food, nothing gave me pleasure anymore. I felt as if all there was to life was sorrow and pain. Needless to say, I became suicidal. The entire time I thought only of me and had no regard for those precious people in my life. I thought my pain and suffering only affected me. Now as the cloud has lifted I am painfully aware that my loved ones could see my downward spiral, feel me retreating ever farther. Noticing all that I thought I had kept hidden. You see that medication distorts your reality, your perception of everything going on in and around you. I thought for a long time that this was my life now and that all hope was gone. I can definitively say that over 33 medical conditions that my Doctor has cataloged over just the last 2 1/2 or so years was either directly caused by or exacerbated by my so-called medicine. A decade of the prime of my life has gone wasted. All those once in a lifetime experiences that I never participated in, gone.

I must go now but will return. Apologize for not knowing how to use this "Markdown styling" here. If this resonates with anyone leave a reply. If you hate this leave a reply. Thanks