Parents, How do we guide our teenagers when they get off the right track...

Question: How do I help my 19-year-old son realize the error of his drug dealings? He left our home yesterday when we talked about our findings with him. He’s like a vault and won’t say a word.

Answer: This is not an easy topic to discuss openly about. I appreciate your bravery. Raising children is no easy task especially to single parents. We as parents need to give respect, love, understanding, discipline and tons of redirection. With that being said a simple way I can offer you some perspective is by trying to remember when you were 19. This period along with many others in life is a scary moment. I am willing to bet that there is some fear within your son about something. Perhaps you should reconnect on a 19 year old level.

What do you mean?
Answer: Imagine if you were in your sons shoes?
(Thinking as your son): Gee, I really messed up this time. I’m sure my parents want the best for me but I don’t know what I want for myself. I’m embarrassed that I may have hurt or made my parents angry, but I don’t know how to express it.

Imagine that basic human thought process for a second and understand that what you found out about what your son did was wrong but it is an opportunity to reconnect and open up for dialogue.

Well, how can I do that?
Answer: Both parents need to have a family meeting with your son. The only goals that should be on the table are:

1. Expressing in a constructive way how this act is unacceptable in your home and you will not stand for that type of behavior moving forward.
2. Offering him a better way/perspective while being clear that you are there to support him but only as long as he his constructive and participating in improving himself.

Here are a few things you can use as a reference. Feel free to add your own spin on it just as long as the message is the same.

1. Hey son we are very upset and disappointed but we understand you made a mistake and we forgive you. We know there is something you may be fearful of telling us but we want to hear you out. So please tell us what is troubling you for you to feel you have to do this?
2. What is it that you want for yourself?
3. Son, please understand that your we love you but we cannot support you in our home with this kind of behavior and actions. Your actions could jeopardize our home and our lives. Let us show you a better constructive way to achieve your dreams.
4. What can we do to help you succeed at whatever it is you want to do?
5. How does this situation make you feel?
6. Okay let us set a family goal, so we can work together to make you successful son. (Actually create something for the family to work on together.)

I hope this makes sense to you all.

Best Wishes and Success,
Swepps & Associates Team