Sunday Multivitamins | What Love Language Do You Speak?
Photo by Kristina Litvjak on Unsplash
An interesting conversation I had on Wednesday with friends was how each of us perceives what love is. I've heard over the years from people that they feel loved when someone does this and that and how some yearns to just be able to spend time with someone they love. Now don't get me wrong, it doesn't just only applies to couples or life partners but it also is very valuable and useful to know what love languages your loved ones speak.
My friends and I whipped out our phones and started doing the 5 Love Languages Test and it only took us probably 10 minutes to get this valuable insight of yourself. It's free btw, and no I'm not some ambassador for love for this site but I think that everyone should go do it. Heck! Even ask all your loved ones to do it. The reason being is you will slowly realized why he/she does what she does. It could be because her love language is different from yours.
Take for example :
If that person's lowest love language is 'Receiving Gifts'. Then more often, giving gifts to this person wouldn't really spark anything of love per se. The happiness receiving them is probably still there, because who doesn't like to receive gifts right? But in terms of expressing your love to someone who doesn't really think giving a gift is love then it's time to take the love language test. It could be that she would rather trade gifts for a time well spent with you and that'll mean a lot more to her than gifts.
There are generally 5 Love languages :
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
The 5 Love Languages
Words of Affirmation
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Now first things first, I'm going to say that I'm no PROFESSIONAL in this field, but I know that it's easy to do and the love languages and how you can apply them in your daily life is pretty straight forward. So this brings us to the first love language, Words of Affirmation.
This is actually my most prominent love language rating at 10/10 in my language scale. Being the highest, I can truly understand how words can lift my soul up, brighten my day, make me feel appreciated and loved but it can also be the other way around. Words affect me both ways, good and bad. So if you have this love language higher than the others, then you will realize that you need affirmation from others from time to time. Better yet, from someone that you love.
'Thank you for helping out today, we can't do this without you'
'I miss you'
'I love you'
'My day is brighter with you around'
'Thank you'
Most of the time, people with this as a higher trait in the love language will often feel 'unappreciated' after awhile if no one compliments or encourage them. You can most likely see this in your workplace. When after finishing a big project and there is no appreciation given to you, you will probably tell yourself that you'll never do it anymore.
On the other hand, if you know someone you love with this as their higher love language, shower them with compliments/encouragement and telling them that they'll be alright would really brighten up their day. The best part is, it cost nothing to love someone.
Quality Time
Photo by Timo Stern on Unsplash
I think this is pretty straight forward. The quality time I'm talking about here isn't just spending 30 minutes or an hour with him/her. The quality time is where you leave everything aside and just focus on your partner/loved ones. Giving him/her the attention she needs, understand what's going on in her life right now, what's new and what happened at work today. I know that life can be busy at times so if you can take a time off to take her out or bring her on a trip, that'll be good quality time.
Some people with this trait don't ask for much but often just ask for your time. For some it can be easy if your 'quality time' trait is high too, but for some who don't prioritize this, can possibly make the other half feel unloved.
Physical Touch
Photo by KaLisa Veer on Unsplash
From cuddling, hugging, kissing to sex, all these are part of the physical touch trait. Some of you may probably think that, 'OH, every couple loves to touch each other!' so it's probably going to be the high in the love language scale. Well not really.... take for example, my sister. *sorry sis, hope you don't mind me using you as an example. Her physical touch is only 1 out of 10 in the love languages. She doesn't like physical contact with anyone even her family members. She would be irritated when someone just lightly brushes her arms. I know, cause I used to annoy her by poking her. Hahaha, what the little brother would do to annoy his sister.
There are also times when they don't need a hug and some don't even like hugging. They would maybe prefer a word of assurance, gifts, quality time or you to do something for them (acts of service). So it's always not the mushy mushy, let's hug and be merry kind of thing. I know because my physical touch is pretty high and my sister is low.
Acts of Service
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The Acts of Service trait will require you to do, do, do instead of just all talk. It could be you having this as one of your higher trait or your loved ones. It's all about doing something for him/her. My father has this as his higher trait and because he loves the family, he shows this by working very hard everyday so that my sister and I can live a comfortable life. We may not have this as our higher trait but we know that our father is loving us by doing so. A lot of my parent's generation has this as a higher trait because it was tough last time for them and all they wanted to do was to pave a more comfortable life for their children. Hence, a lot of them can neglect the quality time, gifts, words and even physical touch just to love you. But then again, that's how they love you.
Receiving Gifts
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
This is pretty straight forward. Give gifts and be happy and feel loved. Haha, it's not wrong to feel loved receiving gifts but simple homemade gifts would also add points to showing your love. I know that my mom loves to receive gifts, not the expensive kind but just as simple as flowers and greeting cards.
Loving Me, Loving You
At the end of the day, it's all about going the extra mile for someone you love. I am no expert in the love industry, as I'm also at the stage of finding my life partner but I know that I'll do my absolute best for her. I just hope that with this simple test, you can understand your loved ones better and be 'precise' in showing your love for them.
These love languages will help you see how your partner is expressing their love and it also helps you see how you're receiving and giving your love. A relationship takes two hands to clap. I'll drop the link to the test again down below if you're interested! Oh and btw, do share what your love languages are in the comment section below. This is my love language.
Take the Test here
Why do I need to know what love languages others are speaking?
In my personal opinion anyway, I always believe that if you love someone, you would climb mountains and go the extra mile for them. Even if you may not like certain things, you will still love them for who they are. Knowing their love language is just a small step towards how you put everything aside to show the person that you love him/her. You would also understand clearer why he/she is doing what he/she does. It is about understanding one another on how everyone perceives love.
Thank You
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I’m pretty sure I’m big on physical touch and acts! Haha! I suck at words. Sex is on top of the list (lmao) something about knowing I’m wanted and letting them know I want them is one of the most sentimentally connecting thing for me.
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Haha, I'm pretty high on physical touch too. I like cuddling and little punches. LOL! Screenshot your results, show show!
I already know my love language hehehe I read this book many years ago...
Hands down! My primary is.....
QUALITY TIME!
I have a secondary too... But that one up there is paramount hehe
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Nice, it's actually VERY useful! I hope more people knows about this. Ohh, I actually did hear about a book on this.
I remember studying this book for the first time in a human relationships course in college for my psychology major. It was very interesting to learn about, and does really make a lot of sense in many ways. It's one of those areas that can make or break a relationship when two people are speaking different languages. I remember one of my reflections was that I feel like Quality Time is kind of the umbrella that all the others fall into. I think we all want time with loved ones, but that time looks differently depending upon your other top language.
Any guesses what my main language is? It should come as too much of a surprise if you really think about it...😉
Oh that's cool, you guys actually study this in a class. I actually like learning about all these, it helps me see people better though I try not to judge so much. :P 'Judging' is in one of my personality. It's true! Some relationships have two people with VERY BIG different love languages which could cause a lot of misunderstanding in the relationship.
Yours.... is Quality time then acts of service then physical touch?
I loved studying psychology in college. There were a number of courses, especially personality psychology, that really taught me a lot about myself and in turn, other people. Judging is part of mine, as well, so it is a constant challenge to try to remember we are all so different, and one is not better than another!
Good job! Acts of service is actually my highest, as you can probably tell by how much I love cooking for others. I've also always worked in the service industry in some way. I think quality time was second, but physical touch was on the lower end. Though not as low as gifts. Like you said, I'm always grateful for a thoughtful gift, but it doesn't fill me with love as much as someone taking the time to do something nice for me to show they care.
Haha I didn't know you love cooking for others. You gotta cook for me! :) Yay! Now I know you better. Oooo... What's your personality ? I'm an INTJ
One of these days maybe. 😉 I'm ISFJ.
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We click! :D Haha One of these days.... or at steemfest??? :P
You want to know what's kind of funny? My boyfriend and I are exactly opposite! I think it is the case of us complementing each other's strengths and weaknesses. But on the other side of things most of my personal training clients are introverts, so I's are totally my people. ;)
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Interesting. Good to reflect on these things from time to time.
Let me know what's yours!
Based on the FB posts.. you have been giving and receiving a lot of love from your lady friends...
Haha, love makes the world go round. :D