Tragic Change x Creative Self-Reconstruction
Change is a constant. We know this, and yet, we are never really prepared for change and I have come to understand that the greatest change occurs when we least expect it. This make complete sense, change is discomfort, and naturally we move away from the things that make us uncomfortable. The irony of life is sadly it takes a tragedy, an accident, losing a job, a partner, something grave, a big change usually an unpleasant one that pushes us to really reflect on life.
In spiritual circles this is sometimes called the ‘dark night of the soul,’ when I found out about this term and sought people speaking about this I came to know I was in good company. The dark night of the soul is described as a moment when all the things you value suddenly shift, this could be waking up one day and realize your job doesn’t make sense to you anymore, or maybe something about your lifestyle feels off, weird and suddenly devoid of value. The difficulty in this moment (and equally the beauty) is finding meaning in the things around you, being in this place can be a sort of death of the ego, but this is a space of powerful renewal, a place to reshape oneself. I can attest that this strange moment in my life has really left be very confused, very open to new things, much more adventurous and I inquiry with myself more often. I have made connections that I did not believe were possible before.
So what have I learned in this time, well first, I realized that I did not want to ask for help. I realized that a lot of the feelings associated with asking for help, for me, were very negative feelings, you know things associated with failure or not being good enough. The irony is, I have been very good at a lot of things, and I have not needed to ask for help in that past. Being in this new uncomfortable position has been hard, its challenged myself as a person to be more compassionate to myself, failure is a term of the present, it isn’t eternal although it can feel that way. Why is failure stuck in the present? Well, let's say that job you ‘failed’ at leads you to another job where you make twice as much money, would you still look at that as a ‘failure,’ I actually bet most people would no longer view it as a failure, and most definitely would not hold the feelings that were associated with the initial ‘failure.’ I know this is much easier to say than to feel, and I have to actively fight to be my biggest cheerleader.
Desperation is really a powerful tool, and if we are lucky it is a state we do not visit often but when we enter this place we need to utilize whatever energy is there. For me, the sudden and difficult changes made me really frantic but I leaned into that energy and allowed it to bring me opportunities, and being desperate for me gave me the right kind of ‘fuck it’ attitude that I so needed. Am I at a perfect place, are you serious? Who’s perfect? Am I comfortable? fuck no, but I will continue to use that to push me towards my next goals, and I’ll use that sense of desperation to propel me forward.
If you are reading this and you are going through a hard time, which most of us are, because we are human, know that you are not alone. I think they say, ‘it gets better,’ I’ll let you know when it does.