Are you missing me.

I saw an old work colleague today and I was excited to see her and catch up on all the gossip - I notice how when faced with an person or someone connected to a situation in my past that didn’t end particularly well I want to find out how things are, because secretly if I’m
self honest I want the person to say ‘oh it’s not the same since you aren’t there, it’s all gone to shit’

oh my god this is still here ! This part of me that wants another to need me, to want to prove that it wasn’t me that was wrong but the situation, or the other that made my life difficult does the same to everyone and that it wasn’t personal.

What I have realised in life is how some situations/people can bring out the worst and the best in us based on our individual programming and how we feel about ourselves. Some people align easier and ‘click’ and some people rub us up the wrong way and we react. Going back to this specific situation today I got on well with this individual that I meet up with, but she was on my side’ so she aligned with me and was able to confirm that ‘those difficult’ people were still being difficult. This gave me a sense of relief which allowed me to see this point, so for that seeing her today was a real gift as I saw it.

I forgive myself that I haven’t actually seen realised and understood that by asking about others in a past situation is not innocently just wanting to know how everyone is, that underneath this questioning Is an inherently ‘needy’ point of wanting to know if it was my fault or whether they are just the same and is not me it’s them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still believe that I need to have someone on side and within this I can validate myself as being right

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within and as me that another being difficult is personal to me and that within this I am not liked by them, I see, realise and understand that not everyone is going to gel with me, and more often than not when they don’t it’s a gift, because it brings out the worst in me to be looked at and corrected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief within and as me that I am missing out on something and that others are missing me and that leaving was not the best decision, because it sounds like everyone is having a great time without me there.

I commit myself make a decision here and now - to not go over old ground/situation with regret. I commit myself to not dwell on so called ‘difficult’ people as I have defined them and within this want others to agree with me so that I can go into a point of superiority. I commit myself to remind myself that anytime there is an ulterior motive coming up within me I stop and I take a breath, I do a quick line if forgiveness so that I can ground myself in awareness for a moment, and I practice moving this way and I keep embracing Myself and reminding myself that I AM good enough - I AM enough. I commit myself to not define myself by another’s opinion of me. (After all I really don’t know how they see me actually).