Laugh it off with Akpos

Chich: how much do you love me?
Akpos : my hear is a mobile phone and you are its sim
Chich: oh God! I am so lucky.
Akpos: (aside, to himself) she doesn’t know that my mobile phone has dual sim

Teacher: Akpos, assuming you were at the bus stop and Boko Haram throws a bomb. What will you do?
Akpos: I will just stop assuming.

Teacher: if I have 5 bottles in one hand and 5 in the other hand, what do I have?
Akpos: a drinking problem.

Teacher: why did you bring a rope to the examination hall?
Akpos: my father told me to skip the questions I don’t know.

Teacher: Akpos, why do you keep saying “
Good morning” to the mirror?
Akpos: last night, Ekaette told me to respect myself.

Teacher: if somebody from Nigeria is a Nigerian, what is a person from Holland called?
Akpos: Hollandian

Teacher: “one day, our country will be corruption free” what tense is this?
Akpos: future impossible tense.

Teacher: what is the opposite of “ma?”
Akpos: “sir”
Teacher: what is the opposite of madam?
Akpos: sirdam.

Teacher: if you have 5 chocolate cakes and somebody begs you for 2, how many will you have left?
Akpos: 5, because I will not give.

Teacher: What is a baby lizard called?
Akpos: Lizzy baby

Teacher: What is your favourite flower?
Akpos: Chrysanthemum.
Teacher: Spell it
Akpos: I was just joking. My favourite flower is rose.

Teacher: if somebody from Lagos is a Lagosian, what is somebody from Moscow called?
Akpos: Mosquito

Teacher: where will you see yourself in ten year’s time?
Akpos: In a mirror.

A couple, silent in bed
Wife: why is he not talking to me? Is he angry with me?
Husband: how did Lionel Messi lose that open goal……….

Teacher: what is one plus one, Aminu?
Aminu: It is 4 sir.
An elderly man passing shouted: hey, this government has killed us o. Everything has increased; transport fare, fuel pump price, cost of food stuff, electricity tariff, everything. Even one plus one that used to be 2 has now increased to 4.