I know it must have been hard to share. Thank you for sharing. I think all of who have been in that situation, we help others when we share. I admit I'm not silent anymore about it. I still struggle daily, I love life in all its wonder. I have finally stopped beating myself up over when the thoughts come. I have a mini mission to let others know how much they're appreciated.
Due to my ordeal, I did get a tattoo of a semi-colon which is inspired by the Semi-colon Project. 'My Story Is NOT over'
Thanks. I think anyone who has been down that dark road will always be susceptible to bad days, but we also know the good days shine that little bit brighter. I'm glad your story remains unfinished too.
I agree. I have made it one of my goals on here to try to help people understand that we all get the thoughts, it's when we don't talk about it or we chastise someone for thinking that way. I feel the more open we are about the issues at hand and showing others there are people that do care and understand the more it will help. One of the biggest lessons I learned and I try to remind people of....these thoughts are normal, it's how we deal with them is what we need to pay attention to. The biggest is not to beat yourself up over any of it. A lot of people disagree, but I honestly feel if I had someone I could have spoken with that did not chastise me for even having the thoughts or even a plan, my thoughts would not have turned inward and turn darker. Then I learned psych lesson 101 unless you want to get locked up in the hospital NEVER tell anyone you have a plan.
So now it's a step or a moment at a time. I don't beat myself up. Some days are hard. I don't dwell on it though. I acknowledge the thought, take a moment to see if I can figure out what caused it, then remind myself that is not the path I have chosen for myself. It is so much easier if you take care of it in the moment than waiting ..oh 20+ years to undo damage, that is much harder to get through.