Marriage.

He was earnestly distraught.

Deep inside where it could not be seen.

And as she stared at him.

All that stared back at her were his calm eyes, his relaxed jaws and the slight curve of his smiling lips.

Her heart was strewn with guilt.

Her husband.

Over nineteen years of marriage.

A partnership that was going through convulsions.

She knew how hard he had worked to rescue it from a free fall.

How persistent he had struggled to find the reason why they had drifted apart.

She didn't know how to tell to him that all she needed was time and space.

The children had come and replaced the intoxicating love they had for each other to a warm friendship.

They had become so enured with raising the children that they had forgot to water the intimacy of their marriage.

So they had become civil housemates.

Courteous and respectful to each other.

Concerned about each others well being but not possessed by the need to nurture each other.

Their words and smiles were warm.

But they were also empty.

Gone were the days when the mere thought of each other had their hearts racing passionately.

Now it was two private lives living out a semblance of one unified life.

She had pity for him.

A sorrowful weight on her as she watched him go through his days in a daze.

His eyes when he looked at her hid silent questions.

Suspicions.

She tried to hide her happiness but failed.

Even the children when she visited them at their University campus commented on the joyful air around her.

But she brushed it away with an offhanded comment.

And one night.

He woke up her gently.

She sat up in bed and looked at him.

His eyes were shrouded in the shadows of the dim bedside lamp.

And his voice was steady with a low timbre.

"Are you having an affair?"

It caught her by surprise.

She hesitated for a moment.

He was watching her.

"Please I want the truth."

She inhaled and exhaled.

The sound was loud.

"Are you sure?"

He nodded.

"Okay."

Then she fell silent.

Her mind was racing.

Should she or should she not?

He spoke.

"Okay what?"

Still she remained silent.

"I am waiting."

She spoke before she realised she was speaking.

"Yes."

He fell silent.

His face expressionless.

Then he spoke again.

"Have you slept with him?"

She felt light.

The load had been lifted.

The truth was out.

So once again she nodded.

His face remained expressionless.

Once again he spoke.

"Are you in love with him?"

She tried to find his eyes with hers, but the shadows hid them.

But from the sound of his voice.

It's steely nature.

She felt a tinge of irritation verging on anger.

Why was he taking it so calmly?

Did that mean he cared even less for her than she had thought?

His voice broke into her thoughts.

"Are you in love with him?"

She couldn't muster the words so she instead nodded.

It was slow.

All was calm.

Quiet.

He stared at her from the shadows.

She sat there.

Uncomfortable with the silence.

Then she spoke.

"Are you not going to say anything?"

He responded immediately.

"Are you going to leave me?"

She didn't need to think before she responded.

"No."

"Why?"

"I love him, but he is not my friend. You are my friend."

"Do you love me?"

"Yes I do."

"Like you love him?"

"No, differently."

"Who do you love more."

"It cannot be measured. I just love you both separately in a different sort of way."

Another silence.

Then he sighed.

"What if I want you to leave?"

"I will respect your decision and leave."

"Without the children?"

"They are old enough to decide for themselves."

"You will go to him?"

"No."

"Why?"

"He is not my friend."

Another silence.

Then she heard it.

First a whimper.

Then a sniffle.

Then a low pant.

Coming from him.

She remained silent as they sounds escaped until words followed.

"You should have lied to me. I knew you were having an affair. I just needed you to tell me you weren't so I could believe something else and find a reason to stay with you. Now you have made it so hard to be with you. You should have lied. Oh my God, you should have lied."

He was sobbing effusively.

"Is there anything i can do to make it any easier on you?"

"I don't know."

It came out of him in a wail.

"Okay. I will leave in the morning."

"No. Please no. You can't leave."

"I don't want to hurt you any more than I have."

"He makes you happy, doesn't he?"

"Not him, I make myself happy, by deciding to have an affair with someone that I click with."

"I don't understand."

"I am in charge of my happiness. I decide."

"Can you decide to be happy with me again?"

She fell silent.

He leaned towards her.

Away from the shadow.

His face fully visible.

Grief in every cell of his being.

His eyes bloodshot.

His cheeks wet with tears.

His lips quivering.

"Tell me, can you find happiness with me again?"

Her heart was palpitating.

Feelings she thought were long dead stirred.

Deep down an awakening.

Embers coming to life.

"I can find happiness with you but our terms of engagement will have to change."

"I will do anything to make it work. I promise. I don't want to lose you."

A feeling of warmth seized her.

Her eyes misted.

Not of guilt but of a semblance of love.

She spread her arms wide.

"Come to me, baby."

And he came to her.

His head on her right breast.

His arms around her.

Enveloped by her own arms.

As he sobbed and sobbed.

And she cooed lovingly and comforting to him.

The dim light framing their embrace symbolically in 'born-again' love.