Remember Your Dreams, Don't Do Compromise!
It's hard not to let your lives get intertwined when you are in a relationship, Sharing incomes, Sharing most of your time together. And then hopefully COMPROMISING on some things, Like where you want to live, And what kind of car you'll share If you only need one.
But a lot of people throw their dreams aside for the relationship they are in, And I'm a bit guilty of this too.
I have this fire to travel, And to try new experiences. I was raised in a very poor and sheltered environment where I didn't have the chance to do much. I only had my imagination. As a result, I became a very adventurous kind of girl! Wanting to explore and learn about everything.
Dating is hard, Especially as I get older and I'm starting to meet men who are ready to settle down, And buy a house and such.
It's terrifying. While I feel ready for Marriage, Definitely not wanting to have a basic life of going to some job every day and never traveling or doing spontaneous things.
Unfortunately, the kind of life I want requires a TON of hard work and planning, Which isn't an issue for me personally this is how I'm wired.
But I'm quickly finding out, That finding a relationship with compromise is quite difficult. Also finding someone with similar goals to begin with!
People Don't Want To Compromise!
It's so easy to date these days. Go on Tinder, Find someone, Go out on a date.
While these options have made it easier to potentially meet some great people, It comes at a huge cost.
It makes you easier to throw away.
Many people don't seem to want to compromise in relationships anymore, So instead of finding that common ground they throw away the relationship and begin looking for something else.
This is why it's important to keep your independence with dating, Sometimes we fall in love and give away a lot of our resources, Our time and our money to someone who ends up leaving, and we are left with little. It's really sad.
Remember Your Dreams
I'm currently in a rocky relationship, And have been on and off for the last six years. I dumped a couple of months ago, And something dawned on me when we went through two months of ignoring each other...
I have been neglecting myself!
I had been ready to take the next step and get engaged for over two years. I waited patiently, and at moments, Not so patiently. I also had put my entire life on hold.
I have been thinking about traveling out of country for a while now, But haven't taken that step; I have been considering on moving out of Utah. Because I want to try living some place else.
I've wanted to go on road trips, More frequent hikes, While I grow my business at home.
While I successfully became self-employed. I realized that I have been putting some of my dreams on hold because I was waiting for my boyfriend to "decide" what he wanted to do with his life, To make goals for himself. I always wanted my goals to work with his so that we could compromise on things and we both could be happy.
But there was a problem with all of that, Either he has decided to never make goals for himself, Or he's not sharing those goals with me.
So instead of leaving, Or going through with what I wanted, I've been waiting.
That's when I decided to finally sit down and decide realistically what I want for myself, with or without him and make those plans. By "waiting" On him, I lost some of my independence, And gave up some of my dreams. Sometimes I'd want to see a movie, But he didn't seem onboard, As a result, I wouldn't get to see it in theaters.
Or sometimes an activity I wanted to do, Would never happen because I'd wait on him.
This was stupid of me, and I take responsibility. So now I have put my foot down. If I want to see a movie, I will decide when to go, Jump on a bus and go. Same with hiking! I have taken my happiness into my own hands! And this is what you SHOULD do whether or not you are dating someone, Or if you are married.
Relationships are supposed to enhance your life, Not be the sole responsibility for your happiness or your independence. Relationships are supposed to be a source of "Help" and support. One great aspect of your life, Not the whole thing!
Independence is Attractive
When you are capable and willing to do things alone, It's attractive. And will help you attract high-quality people. Sure, Being clingy might be a bit flattering at first, But that will quickly go away, and then you just become annoying.
Have friends
This is one of the bad things I was taught growing up, that your only friend should be your "boyfriend, girlfriend Or husband and wife."
Really?
That's not healthy! Have friends, Of course, involve your significant other, so they don't feel left out sometimes. Going alone to a restaurant or concert can be scary and less fun, When you have some good friends it makes things more fun! I'm in the process of finding some good friends right now! So I don't have to rely on my relationship for all the fun times and the emotional support, You can go to sites like Meetup and hang out with others who like to do the same things you do! I hope to start going to live drawing sessions for fun!
You'll Have Nothing When It Ends
All Relationships come to an end eventually. Either one of you dies, Or There is a breakup.
I realized when I had dumped a few months ago, That not only did I have to deal with the pain with my relationship. But many other areas of my life came crashing down that I didn't realize that my boyfriend had "ties" to.
Like he was working for me part time at the moment, And his position was empty. So not only did I have to deal with that pain, But I also had to find someone to replace him Or do the extra work myself. Which was stressful.
I relied on him, to give me a ride to the grocery store, Which I bought him a few things each time to make up for gas and his time.
So I now had to lug groceries in a backpack home.
He was mostly the only person I talked to. So I had no one In person for emotional support. Which I had to turn to Steemit, And @lauralemons for some much needed break up support! If I had a close relationship with family or friends, It would have been easier!
Little things here and there, took a hit. Which made my life 10x worse. So instead of just having a break up to deal with, I had to figure out how to live again. After six years, your life with someone starts to get really mixed. (Luckily we didn't live together too.)
Even If You Are Married
If you have one person doing all the finances Or working the job. This can be an issue if something happens. I'm not saying you have to have separate accounts. But at least know how to manage a budget and finances! This is a concern I have with my parents. My dad does all the financial stuff; He also works for all the money.
Statistics say that women usually will outlive men. So if something were to happen to my dad, She wouldn't even know how to manage a basic budget. So any money left to her would quickly be spent. This is something that needs to be kept in mind in every aspect. Not just finances.
It may be a rocky road right now, But I'm setting myself up for success!
Things are still rocky at the moment, But I'm focusing on myself and building up my OWN life. That way if something happens I can still be happy. And I feel so lucky because my new friend Denton is helping me get there.
I'm getting my first car soon! And I'm going to get better at driving (I Haven't driven since I've been 16). It will be nice getting around on my terms instead of using a bus or a bicycle. I also can go into the mountains for hikes, Which was something I wasn't able to do before. I can also start going to Meetups, For arts, Hikes And other fun stuff! Having a tight group of friends sounds incredible right now.
So just do it! Whether you are single, Or in a long term relationship, Don't take anything for granted. Just realize that at any moment things could fall apart or disappear. Dealing with a break up is hard, But dealing with 50 other things that have fallen apart in your life, Could drive you crazy!
