I understand your perspective completely. I’ve had the great fortune of experiencing some out of body type experiences that have enabled me to completely “know” that life exists beyond most of our current understanding. That has given me a sense of solitude that even if I’m not completely free in this life, I will be in the future. It is simply “known” to me. To experience is to “know.” That is the only way I can explain it. With this - I appreciate and approach my current life with the best intentions possible. If they work out great - if not then I know I’m in the struggle for a reason and look to find my learning and understanding. But that’s just me friend...I wish you the best in your own journey. I can tell you that turning inward is the way. All answers exist if you ask and pay attention for the signs.