Going Back In The Past And My Could Have Been

I was thinking,if its possible to go back in time,would I change a part of my past? Maybe if I change some decisions that I made in the past,life will be a bit different than what I have now. Or maybe things will be way more different than now. Like in the movie,I might be watching to much movie,that the question suddenly hit me. Like the heroine in some movie,who was given a chance to go back and change the past,I can imagine myself changing the course of my life.

If I can change my past,I might go back to where it all started,college days. I could have stopped myself from thinking that life is easier when you are in love. Thinking that it would be easy to make a family as long as you two love each other. When you're still young,you think that you can conquer everything as long as you are with the person you love. But when you have kids already,its way too difficult. Because the truth is,its never easy,making a family without finishing your studies and without permanent job. I could set aside my feelings,and tell myself,its not okay not finish your study because that will be one of your ticket to have a brighter future. Today might be different,it could have been easier to raise kids even if a single mom,if I only finished my studies. Perhaps,if I do that,if I can do that,I might be a lawyer now,single with no kids.

When you're young,your just so positive that nothing scares you anymore. Not even thinking what will be the outcome of your decision,the future does not intimidate you. When you're young,you think that life is like cupcakes and candies,its just so sweet at the beginning,but when faced with struggles,you can only wish you've done it the other way. You can only wish you can change what happened,the outcome may have been a good one. You can only wish you didn't rush things up,perhaps its not like this now. Perhaps the future has a better life to offer if we did not rush our decisions,if only I was patient enough to wait for the right time.

But here I am now,no matter how hard I think,life will not bring me back my past so I can change it. I can only live with it and make the best out of it,I can only look into the bright side. I can only look at my trophies that I got from rushing my decisions,that trophies are my kids. I may not be able to change my past and create a beautiful life for me now,but I can do my best and make sure I can give my kids a better and beautiful life. I can tell my story over and over again so my kids can get lesson from my experience. Going back and changing my past wont change the fact that the bad decisions I made before made me happy too. Especially if I see my kids now,so why think too much about what could have been? I'm already here and I learned a lot from the past,I may smile and cry sometimes but that's just life,everything happens for a reason and I'm here for a reason.

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