When medical intervention is both necessary and inaccessible

My family currently pays around $350 per month on a passel of necessary prescriptions. Warning: I'm not here to argue about Big Pharma or whether there could be natural alternatives. We've tried them. We use them. They keep our dosages low, but nothing has created enough difference for us to simply not need the meds in order to stay safe, alive and productive.

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Productive. Ugh. Every week I have a very manageable to do list that quickly morphs into an unmanageable, anxiety-inducing list of things I am sure I will never get done. As a small business owner, this has the potential to greatly impact my livelihood. So, at least one day each week, I take my ADHD meds and hammer all my work out. Why not every day? They have pretty terrible side effects. I took a pill about 10 minutes ago and I can feel my jaw tightening painfully even though I'm in flow and relaxed.

I talked to my doctor about these side effects. He recommended a different medication. I'd love to try it, but it costs $300 a month with my insurance. Unless some whale starts stomping on my posts daily, I don't have $300 a month to take care of my brain.

Just cut back somewhere else, right? Nope. I could remove my gym membership, but that is literally the thing that gets me to the point I can take my meds. I need the structure, the community, the social pressure of the group classes to get there every day and turn my brain on. Without it, I sit and stare at walls or out windows or just sleep. I don't work out on my own because I'm not motivated by an investment and peer pressure.

What about Netflix? Get rid fo that! Yeah. That would make a tiny dent, but (and this is going to sound awful), it's my main source of childcare. Withholding screens is a thing I do regularly in my house. I don't want my kids on them all the time. So when we do turn them on, the kids pay attention and stay quiet. Which means I can pay a monthly fee that is equivalent to 1/2 the minimum childcare fee I'd need to pay to have someone come pay attention to my kids for 3-4 hours once a week.

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I can't tell you how many times my husband and I have combed through our budget to see what we can live without. Hint: it's not food. I have two tweens and a six-year-old. We shop at Aldi. Groceries still cost us around $1200 per month due to multiple food allergies. Even with a fixed weekly menu comprised largely of crockpot meals.

I'm not complaining about my situation. I'm actually very privileged. What I'm doing is pointing out how incredibly inaccessible healthcare is in the U.S. It sucks. I've had to rely on an expired inhaler that only worked occasionally more than once for a year at a time. Why? I costs anywhere from $40 to $200 for a refill of the medication that has the fewest side effects.

Earlier this week I spent $60 plus tip on a daith piercing because I couldn't afford migraine medication even with a Good Rx coupon. Thankfully the piercing worked. (Seriously, always look into alternatives.) But so many other people wouldn't be able to make that gamble. Meds or a piercing? That was my choice. It's possible that neither would have worked which made my decision simpler. But I'd heard more positive feedback about the piercing than the medication I was prescribed.

Which brings me back to my ADHD Rx. It's Vyvanse. My doctor believes I'll have fewer symptoms with it than Adderall. But I won't know unless I can get a week long sample. Which is why I took my ADHD meds that cause me crappy side effects. I had to call my doctor. Phone calls are a no go without the clarity my meds offer me. And there it is--I can't even access the healthcare I need without the medication. I can't get the medication because it's too expensive. You see how this loops around and around?

So I'll just keep hitting that gym to manage the physical energy and get my brain that good hormone boost. I'll keep making lists, self-medicating with caffeine, oils and supplements until I figure out a way to access the medication that makes it possible for me to check off those to do list items. And so it goes.