Saudade

~
Saudade

It’s Portuguese for “missing” someone—in a very deep way…“longing for” someone. That’s what I feel when I look at Jaicleide.

This is my beautiful Fulni-O sister. Many years ago, her family took me into their home—and I took them into my heart. I spoke no Portuguese, at all—but somehow we communicated about the most important things.

I traveled back and forth between San Francisco and Brazil for many years—so often, that my Fulni-O family gave me my own room.

There are no words to express what I feel for them. Only tears can express that. The little girls that I once sent to school, are all grown up now—and my Fulni-O brothers and sisters have new babies. The babies don’t know me. Saudade. I have been away too long.

Each one of my Fulni-O family is special to me—and with each, I have shared deep experiences…some of them painful—and all of them precious. Jaicleide is the mischievous one…playful and strong. She was there for me in my time of need.

Some years ago, I was diagnosed with cancer—something that most Brazilian Indians don’t understand very well. My Fulni-O family cared for me…they changed the course of my life. The entire family performed ritual—mother prayed—and Jaicleide massaged medicinal oil over the cancer. I will never forget her kindness and her strength.

Circumstances have kept us apart. I’m sorry for that. But there is a thread connecting our hearts. It’s always there.

Jaicleide, I did not abandon you. I will return someday.