I believe I'm hearing you and how it is difficult, if not impossible, for you to forgive and forget when someone has done something that was painful for you.

I'm hoping it is okay to share some advice. It is usually my practice to not share advice unless I've first asked for permission. But here, you have a choice to stop reading if you don't want any.

When I hear the "forgive & forget" thing, I think, "Uhm okay. How? It's not like I can just pop my skull open, pull out a screwdriver, and adjust some setting." No one seems to have any concrete method for DOING the forgive & forget thing.

Here is what I call "Reprogramming Our Anger Response" BUT this works just as well with "Forgiving & Forgetting"... well actually... it helps us LET GO instead of trying to forgive & forget. It provides a way to reframe the whole scenario in our heads!
[see image at bottom]
Stage 1: Anger / fear / blame / shame / evaluation / diagnoses / moral judgement / guilt.

Stage 2: Start by adding SELF EMPATHY. Practice...

Stage 3: Next, add EMPATHY FOR THE OTHER PERSON. Practice... With repetition, the brain begins to see a pattern of "The person did a thing and the typical outcome is to find that they were acting in accordance with their needs/values." So with each repetition of this pattern of "initial defensiveness --> empathy --> ah no defense needed" we are training our brains to eventually realize the "initial defensiveness" is not necessary in most situations.

Which leads to more often automatically feeling empathy for the other person, not even taking a pit stop at anger.

I'd love to hear what you think. Also, please feel free to spread it around!

I have higher resolution versions of this image, in case you want one. No cost. I just know to use 800 pixel wide here on Steemit, so that is why this image you see here isn't the highest resolution.