1:37 AM, dimmed lights.

I can barely hear my parents speaking downstairs, having a lazy conversation about the news because there was Gaussian Curve, playing their sixth track from their "The Distance" album, called T.O.R. in the background.

I don't remember why I played this album, maybe it's because it's late, and it really needs a silky smooth melodic tune with light percussion and gazing vibe? idk.

I can barely hear them but they seem to throw off a couple laughs.
"that's cute", I said to myself.

I pick up my lighter and proceed to light my cigarette, it's the same old "surya pro mild" like what I've smoked a thousand time before.

a sip of water from the glass I filled up earlier.

I feel at ease in the middle of uncertainty. Been having a lot of self-doubts lately, but idk why I feel so lightweight.

It was a lazy day, like the days before, haven't landed myself a job yet haha.

1:53 AM,
I realized my iTunes stopped playing. I can now hear every detail of what's happening in my house. the news still on, and my parents still there, chatting. I check my phone and there's no notification.

Existential crisis? is it really crisis tho? maybe it is and I've caught a Stockholm Syndrome. Or maybe it's not a crisis at all? maybe it's just a way of figuring out everything. I let off a shrug indicating I'm too lazy to work my brain over this topic, but it's still there like an itch but not as annoying as one.

another shrug, this time I let it go.

it's politics, the news. I can hear a bunch of politicians, the so-called "representative of the people", talking in an interview. "Strong words they throw out from their mouths", I said to myself as they talk and talk away, full of confidence. Maybe that's all it takes to proclaim yourself as a representive of the masses? just confidence? hahaha.

2:05 AM,
mosquitos biting me from every possible angle they can. Darn this tropical country I live in. I swear, mosquitos are very annoying.

I had this thought that if I smoke, maybe they'll be less aggressive. idk why tho.
that's a good enough reason for me to light another one. let me slowly kill myself with these cheap poisons that they sell almost everywhere.

yeah, they sell cigarette everywhere in Indonesia.

it bonded us in a weird way tho. that's something cute about it.

2:12 AM,
I guess we're all martyrs, sacrificing our youths for a chance to survive and carry on. I could feel hatred bursting out of my chest, directed at the state of living that way.

pulled out my iTunes, and played "The World is a Ghetto" by WAR.

maybe I'll quote the lyrics?
I'm too lazy, go search it yourself.

2:19 AM,
got nothing more to say, I'm going to post this.