The absence of Sarfine

I'm sorry for my absence here on Steemit but since last year it has been a lot of a rollercoaster and insights about myself that I sort of needed taken care of. It has not been solved yet but I'm working on it.

These last months have not been great for me and I've come to the conclusion that I have many issues and things I need to solve. It has not been nice for either of us and I really wish it was easier than it has been. The issues are nothing that can be solved overnight because it's something that has been with me since childhood and the people who have been in my life. People who no longer is with me because I've cut ties with them. People I no longer need. People who only give me sorrow, pain, and tier up wounds that have no time to heal.

I've been ignorant about my behavior. Ignorant that it has hurt the people that are in my life at this time.

Last year I didn't think my problems were as deep as I today know. They always linger underneath and reminded me of the past, a past that I can't erase from me because it's a part of who I am today. I taking it all in. It's like learning to breathe again but with no chains, nothing holding me back. Sure the wounds and scars are always there and I'm learning to deal with them. But I want to break free. To find me. To regain the strength that has lingered so deep inside of me. The strength that has kept me alive all those years of hell.

I've done research about the experience I've been through and I know that I'm not alone and that it's common that people who been through the same experience have the same issues and it can take years to heal. Something I've realized as well is when you admit that you have a disruptive behavior it's a little easier to work on it. I am getting professional help with my issues but it takes time to heal and sort of reinstall everything in my mind. Wishing it was much easier to erase everything that was but it would be like erasing my own existence which would not help at all. It's a part of me and I have to learn with it for the rest of my life but with time it will be easier and will not be as hard as it is at this moment.

Last, of all, I only want to heal and feel better about everything and wishing all of you the best.

Love,