My wife's narcissistic mother? Part 1

Many think that a narcissist just happened or they just woke up with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) one day but this is not the case. The Narcissist had to experience trauma from an early age that shaped their worldview. They had to have experienced the conditions in order for this chronic selfishness to become apart of them. And in most cases, the narcissist's primary caregivers are usually narcissist themselves which means that the child or infant has been exposed to this evil environment.

In my personal experience, I always wondered why my wife acted the way she acted, said the things she said and why she was so insecure and immature so I decided to start doing some research. And to my amazement, I discovered exactly what was going on in our relationship over the years and marriage. I could have never understood why an adult person behaved so childish and it seemed like there was no maturity in her personality. The things that would bring fights and quarrels were usually petty and she would usually reach ultimatums. She would decide she wants to end the relationship but then the next day cry helplessly claiming that she was just "angry and she does not know why she acted the way acted".

I realized that most time we got into arguments, her parents would foolishly get involved especially her mom. So I looked into negative mother-daughter relationships and boy was I not disappointed. I came across the word enmeshment and I had this big 'ah ha' moment; it all made perfect sense then. The narcissistic mother does not allow her daughter to mature into an adult emotionally because they want that child to supply them emotionally whether it be good or bad. They have a warped view that if the daughter only matures emotionally then the daughter would have no need for her and would grow independent of her. This will not be tolerated so the mother turns her daughter into her best friend. The mother would undermine the relationships of her daughter and she would continually violate her boundaries.

The mother will not take account of any wrong she has committed. She believes that she can do no wrong and everything she does is in the best interest of her family but its usually in the best interest of herself. I have heard her telling my wife that "your sister would have a better wedding than you when she is ready to get married", thus creating disharmony between the sisters.

My mother in law would call my wife and sit down and look for flaws in others, lie, criticize and denigrate them. One day she told my wife how my family did not accept her to be my wife to which I openly rebuked her. I also found her to be very petty about many things like there was this one time where I told her I did not want a ride from her because she was giving my wife some evil advice. She told her daughter that she won't ever give me a ride again. She also has no care for the feelings of others. When she makes you an enemy, there is no length she won't go just to feel appeased.