Where is my life going ?

Spoilers, this is a drunk post, but the truth imo.

Sometimes I think there is something wrong with where my life is going, and of course it is when I am almost 3 drinks down ( or pegs like we call it in India , not sure about other places ). At times like these ( when you are drunk ) and you need someone to talk to, because like in the title of my past you start to realize where is your life going, and you have no one to talk to because you have burnt a lot of bridges over trivial things or/and are left with people who are just not sensitive (in lack of a better word) enough to understand your situation.

Let me give you guys a little background first, because I think that is a prerequisite to understanding where I am today. I am an average Indian, meaning I grew up with the option of either pursuing medical, engineering or chartered accountant. Yes the third option is supported by our parents, a lot of Indians pursue it coz well it pays a lot but it's a difficult and long term thing to achieve. Well I didn't have time for long term, my family was pretty much dirt poor, at times having to choose between lunch and dinner (my mom has gone hungry so many times in her life so that she could feed her family instead), so I went with engineering. Of course my mom had to fight a lot for that with my father, who didn't really care much about me ( and my education) till I started earning.

Anyways I got my Bachelors degree in Engineering in 2019, got a decent job in an MNC ( Multi National Corporation for those who don't know ), one of the best offers during campus recruitment by the way at least in my college, excelled during the internship period , got bumped into the DevOps squad fulltime and am basically taking care of my mom and younger brother now, unlike my deadbeat (almost ) dad who doesn't care whether his family lives or dies right now and has washed his hands off of their responsibility, and for the past 3 years my life has been a set routine, go to work at this MNC, earn and take care of the family my father just doesn't care about before, during and after the COVID lockdown.

But there are times when I just feel something lacking in my life, often once I am drunk, and just needing some one to talk to. I am not sure what it is that's lacking, it just feels like a warm dark hole ( first words that came to my mind ) in my heart, and given the average Indian that I am I have no one to talk to about it, meaning it just eats away at me on the inside. Am I addicted to alcohol? possibly just because I want to feel what I feel when I am drunk, because its one of the most realistic things that I get to to feel in my average life, no matter how confusing it is. Unfortunately I have burnt bridges with people who could talk to me about it and get me through it, meaning I am stuck feeling what I am feeling when I am drunk (which is more often than not because I need an escape ), so it's back to an endless deluge of helplessness, regret and remorse for myself. And if not for my friends where else can I look for an outlet, there just aren't any resources , that at least I am aware of to help me get through this. And if you want to suggest me not getting drunk, it's not that the feeling just goes away when I am sober, it's always at the back of my head. I am just left comparing this dark hole that I have with the progress I see other people making in life and am left wondering where is my life that I have left on auto-pilot taking me ?