How drugs destroyed my life..

Hello, steemit user's. I want to tell you my lifestory. This happened 2 years ago, but still nothing change. 

My life is done and i am after couple rehab.. Here is my store.

I tried to keep this as short as i can, please bare with me, i tried to give as much information i thought would be relevant.

I'm male, 28 years old living in London UK for the past 23 years. 3 years ago i went to live in Iran for 1 year, I'm originally from Iran and my dad lives there and i go once a year and stay for a couple months. Its so amazing there i decided to live for a year. 

A few weeks in i was introduced to Opium. For some reason a lot of people use it in that region and it grows like grass there. I have an addictive personality and instantly fell in love with the feeling it gave me. One year later just before my return to the UK i was using Opium on a daily basis, usually ingesting it but when i had the chance to do so i would smoke it too. 

I returned to the UK and continued using for 3 months. The prices here are around 15 times more expensive than over in Iran so not long after i realized i couldn't continue financially to use Opium, i also wanted to come off it as it was making me lose weight, become anti social, lose friends and family, worse of all i could 'feel' it was slowly 'killing' me. 

So one day i walked into a clinic and asked for help. I was put on 8mg of Suboxone a day and gradually reduced to zero over a 6 month period. I felt great, i was clean once again, healthy and happy. 4 months later i went back to Iran and it all started again  this time i only used for 3 months, came back to the UK and instead of Opium i began taking Tramadol. I had 3 months supply and by the end of the 3 months i was taking around 1g a day!!!!

A walked in to the clinic once again and was again put on Suboxone, this time 6mg a day. I have now been on the medication for 2 months. I feel like shit. I cant sleep, i fall asleep at 6am and wake up at 3pm. I can hardly eat, maybe one meal a day if I'm lucky. I just don't have an appetite and usually eat because i HAVE TO so that I don't starve to death! I'm constantly in a bad mood and cant be bothered to do anything. 

I feel i NEED that opium feeling to be able to even work. Sometimes i feel like if i died it would just be easier. I would never kill myself but i often think about it. I mentioned to my case worker at the clinic that I'm not eating and the first thing she said was "it sounds like you have depression maybe speak to the doctor to get some pills"!!!!! Imagine if i told her i think about suicide!!! I really don't want to be put on more pills for depression. I don't think I'm depressed, i feel something is wrong with me that is also affecting my mood and behavior. 

I just don't know what to do anymore. I just want to be normal again. I've lost sooo much weight its scary. Please help me, i don't know what to do anymore. Last night i ordered some Kratom. To be honest i don't know if i ordered it to get that opium feeling again or to help me come off the Suboxone. 

I just don't know what to do anymore. My addiction has lost me not only my health, but also my friends. I have lost everyone around me that i cared about. I have no one. I sit in the house nearly every day, on my own just playing video games and doing the work i HAVE to in order to support myself (I'm a freelance web designer). 

I'm sorry to ramble on, i don't know what i expect to hear from people, i guess i just wanted someone somewhere to know, maybe to even know i may not be the only one going or have gone through this. 

Please don't comment back telling me i deserve it or i only have myself to blame for this. I have heard it all before.

Thank you

I make this story to warn all. Don't try hard drug's!