It's Happening Again

Do you ever get the feeling that things are just happening in your life... over and over again?

You know, like a habitually reoccurring theme in life... Personally, I call it Groundhog Daying. I thought that perhaps there was a better word for it... but I haven't found it yet. I even looked it up, and yet, all I found was this...

Well, at least the word I use for it is a word used by others.

Here We Go Again

I think I am having a year of this. Last year, the house that we were renting was abruptly sold and we were forced to move. We decided to purchase a trailer from a friend, spent all of our money into that and then the deal fell apart and we were... for a lack of a better term... fucked. We have bounced around and been basically homeless for the last year. Now, we are facing the same thing again. The house we are staying at sold, and we have 2 weeks to move. We don't have a savings because of the last year and no where to go.

Back to square one, I guess.

I always take times like this to remind myself that there is a lesson in these little events. My brain tells me that there is a purpose... there is a reason that this is all happening. Maybe it is about faith, or perhaps the need to prescribe meaning to a life that is just as ordinary as anything else.

Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase.
Martin Luther King Jr.

Making it Different

I spent a whole day crying last week. I was very emo and feeling all woe is me about this whole ordeal. Slipping into the negtive mindset is easy and I don't know about you, but it has taken practice to see things differently. It is an effort at times to step back and to unravel myself from the uncomfortable yet oh so familiar depression and see things from a different angle. Once I am able to do that though, I often find there is a lesson or an opportunity that was missed the first, second or tenth time around. Maybe I am just a slow learner?

In any case, there is a definite stinging ring to this year, as things unfold quite the same as they did last year. Looking back though, I begin to see how far I have come, what I have learned and what is different in the nuisance of similarity. For example, this year... we have no options right off the bat. Last year, just as we found out that we had to move, our friend told us that she had to sell her trailer. There was this joy of serendipitous timing and it had the feeling like things were working out as they were meant to.

That was right before things fell apart.

We lost our savings repairing the trailer and then we lost the trailer because our friend lost her mind and had to be hospitalized. She was going through a lot. I don't blame her. Okay, maybe there is a bit of bitterness still left, but hey.... I am working on that too.

The fact is, this year there is differences. The main one being that I can feel a sense of impending humdrum. It should be stressful and I would typically be freaking out right about now. But I do learn. I had my day of freaking out and now I am back to seeking options. I am being more picky with my time and influences. Last year, I was going with the flow but had no idea what I was heading towards. This year I am visualizing a destination and taking steps towards a goal that seems to be more suited towards where I want to actually be.

There is No Change

It is my experience, and take it for what it is worth, that the universe is constantly repeating itself. This cosmos, set in a circular cyle recycles and regurgitates itself over and over again. Each of us are given talents, skills, abilities and the like, the navigate our way through. What we do with the tools and resources that we are given, how much effort we put forth and how aware of our actual activity in the process of life is what dictates where we end up. Granted, it isn't always enough to make one person a millionaire and another from a 3rd world country. I don't think that we all have the same lessons though. If we want to change the world, we need to find out where our place is in the world and work with what we have got. I was born into money, but that is not a resource that I have right now. What I do have though is experience and an active mind. I have a body that works well enough that I can hobble around, which will get me somewhere albeit slowly.

It is easy to get caught up in the bad and to see how things will fail. Yet, our experiences, the fact that we have made it this far should serve as a reminder that we haven't failed yet. As long as we are doing it, as we are striving for better from ourself and then moving outward we can make things better. We can claw our way out.

That isn't enough though. Merely muddling through will only bring you eventually back to where you are now. The universe sets us in motion, we will circumambulate around ourselves. The question is how we view the path and what are we walking around? Are we taking part in the sacred process of life or are we merely circumventing experiences... going around situations in an entirely different way in order to avoid? What is missed when you aimlessly wander along with the universe.

It is my experience that this entire process is what you make of it. Even the smallest life events will lead to larger changes if you are active and aware of the process.

Note to Self

Do not avoid living.

I, like many others, want to see this world be a better place. I have faith in humanity and hope for the future. These are lofty ideals that amount to nothing more than a pipe dream unless one is active in the process. Finding the balance between being aware and tuning out is key.

To be the change, you have to know what you're actually trying to alter before you can make a difference.

Thank you For Reading

I often write on here, using Steem as my journal. Transparency is seemingly important to the process and it makes it easier to see the changes that have been made by comparing writing to the past. Thankfully for this writing today, I can actually go back and see last year what I was thinking and feeling because when things were happening last year, I was on Steem. I always invite others to share their experiences and thoughts because in this, we can create shared goals and maybe one day... actually do something to make this a better place... rather than just hoping for it.