Remembering My Mom

I'm Back! But So Many Things Happened Being Away for 10 Months

I was gone for 10 months and so many things happened. I never got the chance to return to Steemit and write. Although I've been so busy writing for my blog at https://www.itravelrox.com.

It's been a roller coaster ride. So many ups and downs. Although lately was the most emotional one. It's about my mom.

Not sure how can I write this but this happened in February 2019. My mom died in my arms. It was something I never expected to happen. My mom was very clingy when I arrived at the hospital. She kept on holding my hands never wanted to let me go. She even grabbed my arms to hug her. She was like a little girl seeking for my hug.

I have to admit that my mom and I were never that affectionate. Maybe because during their times they were never like that to their parents. I told this to my mom's best friend how my mom was hugging me during her last few days.

I asked my mom how come she never hugged my sister and my brother liked the way she hugged me. My aunts would say, "Your mom missed you so much. You've been away for too long."

My mom could never speak but she looked at me nodded as a sign she agreed on what they said. I could not forget how she looked at me like that, that memory always makes me cry.

I've always been honest to my mom since my father died. I only wanted the best of her, to keep away from stress. It's a very long story. Maybe I can tell this story when I am ready.

My mom is the kindest person I've ever met. I just feel bad that she could not express herself because she is submissive. I've always been honest to my mom since I was younger. She kept everything to herself even though I knew there was something wrong. I am a very sensitive person and I always speak on behalf of her.

I left home before she got sick. The reason I left is that I wanted to protect myself. If you have read my previous blog posts, you will understand.

Here are some of the blog posts related to what I am writing about:

• https://steemit.com/life/@roxannetamayo/long-time-no-write-how-s-life

• https://steemit.com/life/@roxannetamayo/separation-anxiety-with-palawan

I am actually back in Cebu, still grieving. My mom's 40th day will end next week.

It's very different when you're at home but mama is gone. Sometimes, I would find myself wanted to talk to my mom and I realized she's not here anymore. Just a random conversation whatever I see on Facebook or thoughts about life.

When I was on my own, relocating to many places, I never asked anything to my mom because I knew she was far away so there was no reason for me to send her messages on FB and asked her something.

What do you expect when you're at home? I feel so empty here. The reason I came back is because of my mom. But I am not sure if I see myself living here. I always tell my problems to my mom.

I miss my mom very badly. If only she listened to me but there's nothing I can do now.