Contradictions society pose on women.

The Assertion-Submission Bind

If she's assertive, she's a demanding shrew. If she's submissive and conflict-avoiding, she's a passive bore.

The Intrusion-Neglect Bind

If she tries to be an integral part of his activities, he feels intruded upon. If she keeps her distance, he feels neglected.

The Career-Homemaker Bind

If her primary energies go into her career, he sees her as neglectful, uncaring, rejecting and says she loves him less than her outside endeavors. If she devotes herself to homemaking, he resents having to shoulder all of the financial burdens and complains that she is a compulsive, nagging, demanding, boring drudge who's always making him feel guilty.

The Mothering Bind

If her focus is on mothering, she becomes a less interesting, less sexually attractive partner. If she pursues her career interests after she has children, she is blamed for being an unconcerned, rejecting and uncaring mother.

The Sexually Active--Sexually Passive Bind

If she is sexually hesitant, he reacts negatively to her conservative, puritanical attitude. If she is sexually direct, he feels pressured and defensive about her "demanding," unsatisfied and complaining attitude.

The Autonomy-Dependency Bind

Supportive of maintaining their own identities and separate interests, she gets an insecure, suspicious and resentful reaction from him. If she wants them to share friends, activities and free time as a couple, he sees her as dependent, engulfing and possessive.

The "You're Letting Yourself Go"--Vanity Bind

If she is casual about her physical appearance, he accuses her of "letting herself go." If she is attentive to it, he interprets this as her superficiality and vanity or her interest in attracting other men.

The "Tell Me How You Really Feel"--"You're Really Hostile" Bind

If she resists sharing negative feelings or expressing anger, he complains that they can never resolve any issues and that he doesn't really ever know where he stands because she won't tell him what she feels. If she is open in expressing the full range of her feelings and reactions, he becomes defensive, resents her "bitchiness" and accuses her of not really caring for him and putting him down.

The "Wait On Me"--"Don't Fuss Over Me" Bind

If her attitude is nurturing, he feels he is being treated like a little boy. If she relates to him on an adult-adult level, he feels unattended to and unloved.