Guys Will Be Guys

It was the beginning of Rain Semester holidays. Some people call it the summer holidays, Johnny had not experienced summer before and neither had Sandra.

In fact, Johnnie did not know there was any such thing as a Rain Semester before he gained admission to the University of Technology.

Prior, to getting admission to study Mechanical Engineering at the University, all he understood as a division of academic year were known as a term.

Suddenly, he is at the university and learned it was called semesters, and there were only two of them with neither of them long enough for all work of the period.

There was three academic division (terms) in an academic year back in secondary school and each one seemed so long.

I thought they said that things would get easier in the university, Johnnie thought. “Who could have thunk?” Saint would say, then roar with laughter.

Saint was Johnnie’s cousin who worked as a footman in a hotel.

I know there is nothing natural about a Nigerian footman but there is no better way of describing Saint’s role where he worked.

The owner of the hotel was Mazi Ernest (Saint’s maternal uncle).

Saint worked as a driver, friend, personal assistant, chef, hotel manager and procurement manager. Saint’s real name was Saintfield.

No one knows where his father, being unlettered, got the name from but his relatives from his hometown had all sorts of ideas that are too fantastic to be put on paper.

So it was the Rain Semester holidays, Saint was going about his numerous errands for Mazi when he saw Sandra. She was a tall, light-skinned girl of about nineteen years old.

Her slim but exquisite figure made Saint slow down, roll down the window of the driver's side and drive past her slowly. When he had passed her, he watched her for a few seconds through the rearview mirror and decided to talk to her.

He parked the Honda civic car, walked back towards her, and he noticed her brown eyes, he knew he had made the right choice to stop.

Saint was always immaculately dressed. Johnny once asked him, “Saint, why are you always so immaculately dressed and clean?”

“Any man who likes women must be clean always because he does not know where he would meet one!” came the reply.

He tried maintaining eye contact with her but her she glanced furtively in his direction and looked away half a dozen times as they approached each other. Saint walked until he was in front of her then he stopped, thereby blocking her way. She frowned and started asking him to leave her way as she tried to side-step him, when he laughed and said, “Wait, do you realize what just happened?”

She stopped. “No, but could you please not block my way?” She said.

He kept smiling and spoke gently, “You were so attractive and beautiful that I could look at no other thing, my legs out of their volition walked into you.Please, you must tell me your name!”"

“I'm Sandra,” she said simply

“I'm Saint,” he said holding out his right hand.

“Like 50 Cent?”

“No, like the Holy Book”

“Oh,” she said.

“It seems you live around here. I would like to see you again. Please, may I have your number?” He said while handing her his cell phone.

She typed something and gave it back to him. He smiled and thanked her, promising to call her later.

“I met a very beautiful girl today,” Saint said. “She was adamant and didn't want to talk to me, but finally I got her number. Who could have thunk?” Then he laughed heartily. Johnnie joined him in laughing.

Johnnie is Saint's cousin.

He had always considered Saint to be funny but he didn't know he was this hilarious. Saint insisted on speaking some words that were not part of the English and French vocabulary or at least not in the context in which he used them. And one of his favorite words was thunk in place of thought.

Saint soon fixed a date with Sandra for 5:30 pm the very next day. Unfortunately, his boss called him to attend to an urgent matter just as he was about to drive out by 5:00 pm. He had no choice but to attend to business first.

On his way, he remembered his cousin was at home alone. He called him to get ready, and Johnnie was happy to oblige. Saint picked him up in front of the house and explained the situation to him.

He wanted Johnnie to accompany him so that he would keep the girl company for fifteen minutes while he went to attend to business. Johnnie had no problem with this arrangement as long as Saint paid for the food and drinks.

Sandra arrived on time, and all three took a seat.

As soon as Johnnie and Sandra had ordered, Saint excused himself and left. He was away for about 15 minutes.

While he was away, Sandy talked freely with Johnnie. Johnnie was almost done with his dinner when Saint rushed back in. Three is a crowd, Johnnie thought. He thanked them both for the company, food and drink then left to walked back home, just a short distance from the restaurant.

Saint was not well educated, but he understood how life works.
As he conversed with Sandra, he could feel that he was losing his audience. Using every trick he knew to bring back her full attention and the effort was futile.

Sandra kept thinking about Johnnie, the shape of his mouth when he smiled and how he threw back his head when he laughed.

Suddenly, Saint did not hold any more appeal for her. But did he ever hold an appeal in her heart?

She wondered.

The dinner ended with several bouts of silence until they decided to go home. Each person was preoccupied with feelings and thoughts they were not willing to share with each other.

“What did you say to Sandra when I was away?” Saint asked Johnnie as soon as they got home.

Without really understanding what the question was about, Johnnie recounted all the things they talked about one after the other.

Saint was still for a few seconds then he brought out his cell phone and flipped it open.

“Take this number,” then he went ahead to read out eleven numbers. “That's Sandra cell number. You should call her. I think she likes you. But do not tell her that I know.”

At first, Johnnie did not know what to make of this request by his older cousin. He waited for Saint to bring up the matter but he didn't except the next day when he asked Johnnie if he had called Sandra.

“I don't understand. You said you liked this girl so why are you not the one calling her?”

As was his usual manner he laughed and asked, “Do you know contract law?”

Johnnie laughed. He studied contract law in the university under Engineering Management and Law but what could his cousin know about contract law, not having completed his secondary education before he started working in the hotel.

He braced himself for one of his cousin’s famous translations of real things into what he liked to imagine they were or could be.

“Pally, I saw the way that girl looked at you on your way out. I said to myself, ‘That right there is Invitation to Treat just like in contract law.’” He said smiling.

Unfortunately for Johnnie, he could not remember the exact definition of invitation to treat, but he was certain that it had nothing to do with what Saint had just explained.

He decided he would call Sandra just to stop his cousin from breathing down his neck. It is not as if he had any money to take a girl on a date.

Johnnie called Sandra, and from her excitement, he realized that his cousin had not read the situation wrongly.

After the conversation, he informed Saint how it turned out. This outcome seemed to strengthen Saint's conviction that Johnnie should get more serious with the girl.

He made Johnnie arrange for a date with her in the hotel where Saint worked.

Saint arranged everything but ensured that Sandra did not see him as being in the picture.

Sandra and Johnnie had their first date in Saint's hotel and service was on the house.

Johnnie realized he also liked Sandra, so he did not want to rush things besides it was going to be his first time and hers too.

But his cousin was so invested in this relationship, especially in the aspect of consummation, so he decided that the best policy was to tell him that the relationship was consummated.

Saint was so happy you would think he had won the lottery.

That night was the first time he took his cousin to a nightclub where they drank and danced. He never told his cousin how he felt about the girl or what they had decided.

Four years later, Johnnie proposed and she said yes.

They got married outside the hotel where they had their first date.

Saint did not see that one coming, but he was happy for his cousin. I guess it is true what they say: guys will be guys.