On Death
Death is absolutely the most polarizing existential issue that humans face from day to day. When someone you care about passes, it's hard to put that death into context within your STILL GOING life. It's hard to imagine that someone was going about their days like you currently are, and BAM!, they're gone. The finality of the thing is so incredibly hard to grasp. Everything we do in life seems to have a restart button, except life itself. If you quit playing a sport, you can always go back to it. If you finish your glass of water, you go and get some more. Life, however, ends and that's it. The end. Humans are not made to conceptualize these kind of absolutes. In turn, when someone passes, it becomes less about them than it is about you. You begin to think about your own mortality and whether you will leave an indelible mark on the world, or at least those around you. In my own experience, deaths that affect me deeply, end up changing my LIFE. Death changes my life.
When my grandfather passed away in 2012, I was on a bad path. I was selling drugs, I was getting arrested, and I was hanging with a lot of good people who made bad choices, just like me. When my grandfather passed, my life changed. I didn't care about any of that shit anymore. I cried for about a week straight and then after that, it was like I had purged myself. I wanted to make my grandfather proud. I knew he had seen the stuff I was doing and I hope that I didn't disappoint him when I was alive. I'm sure I did, but I know he still loved me. I joined that Army to escape Miami and get an education. When I would be on a long run that I didn't think I could finish, I imagined my grandfather placing his hand on my shoulder and pushing me. I changed. I didn't find utility in all of the knuckle-headed things I was doing. I only found utility in progress, in the traditional sense. Death will always be there. Death is a constant in this thing we call life. It won't go away, but you can always learn from death. The most recent death that affected me was that of an artist that produced music that I listened to habitually on my second deployment in the Army. His music affected me, and I drew parallels between myself and him. I saw his positive turn in life, as symbolism of myself changing my life back when I left Miami. His life began and ended in South Florida. It could have been me. It wasn't, but it could have been. I have made a pledge to modify my life for the best. I have decided to shake off negativity and instead embrace positivity. Make sure that since we have to experience death at some point in our lives, albeit externally, that you gain something of use from it. Learn from it, like everything else we experience. Make the world a more pleasant place for those around you. Spread love, positivity and happiness.
disclaimer: I am not defending the things X was accused of and I would never do anything of the sort, but rather I'm being honest that I saw a bit of myself in him. RIP X
Still wondering who "X" is? Anyway, I had a very similar start to my youth, and too, found redemption only after the loss of a loved one. Even though it took death to turn me around, I'm sure he's proud that it was him that was responsible for my turn-around! ;) Good write up!
X is a rapper called XXXTentacion, he was murdered near my hometown of Miami, his music got me through alot of times. I always knew his troubled past was shitty, but I thought he had more time to change his life. He was in the process. It's just humbling.
Oh right, I heard about him on the radio. Never heard of him b4 that tho...
Excellent post on death. It is a good thing that you changed your life for better after grandpa's death. If what they say is true,he must be proudly watching over you. Death really sucks and is inevitable for all of us, the worst part is that u never know when it will happen. I only hope and pray to grow old and go peacefully in my sleep :)
Thanks Eric, it does suck. You know, it must suck when it happens to you, but it definitely sucks when you have to live with the pain of losing someone. However, we cannot dwell, but we must move forward. Thanks for always having kind words and intelligent insight, Eric.
Illusion is mesmerizing - Thanks for the peak into your past. Death - the most beautiful, yet viscously psycho-parasitic virus that with irrefutable evidence proves to be terminal - it is captivating
Of course! Thank you for reading. Death is incredibly solemn, and in retrospect, numb. It's crazy how it lingers and is the ultimate end to this thing we call life.