[SATIRE] Thank You Officer, I Needed That Ticket

Thank You Officer, I Needed That Ticket

Have you ever had a food craving that almost made you want to eat all the goods in the bakery store or made you imagine working there and eating the sweet delicacies all night? Well, I have and let me tell you the feeling is not so great. It only makes the craving worse. So, there I was with a craving that could literally cause me to finish eating a whole house. The worst thing was that my stomach was not giving me any peace. It was rumbling all over the place and that might have been one of the reasons why I decided to drive myself to the bakery. Even if my empty stomach would rumble, then the only witness would be my lifeless car.

I got into the front seat and began driving to the bakery store. The bakery is just about 200 meters but on that day, it felt more like 1 km. As I drove steadily on the road, I was pulled over by a policeman who told me that I had been speeding. I mean, who speeds on a 200 meters road? There I was trying to explain to the officer that he was perfectly wrong. My empty stomach wasn’t proof enough. As the officer was handing me my ticket, well more like shoving it to me, I could not help but wonder why I had not walked. Looking at the road, I just felt like ripping the whole thing apart. There it was staring at me as if to mock me for the $300 fine that had just been shoved down my throat. And guess what? This was my second ticket!

Satirically enough, I got my first ticket just the day before. I had been in my house looking at my school books that I had to read for an upcoming test. The books did not look inviting but the weed that was beside it did. One puff made me come alive and the books did not look too big. In fact, they looked like small novels. By the time I had taken my tenth puff, well, the books looked enormous! The upside was that I now could for a brief moment tell the thoughts of the author that made the books.

A knock on the door sounded like some thunderstorm that wanted to rip my door apart. I reached for my stash and placed it under the bed, as I walked down the stairs I tried to calm my pumping heart. Well, I guess the thunderstorm had been made human because the cops were on my door and they had this unhappy face. Maybe it was my bulgy eyes, my fancy cologne or just my gibberish speech that sold me out to be as high as could be. For an instance, I thought the cops believed my story about being heart broken, because I can swear they looked convinced to me, while handing over a $400 fine to sign. As they walked away, they must have believed my story because they wished me good luck with love. I’m still not sure...

Anyways, here I am in my car again angry at myself because I am $700 dollars less than I was two days ago, still hungry. Turns out I did not even turn a page in my books. Now I have to explain to my professor why I didn’t read - leaving the drug part out. I’m sure my professor will fall for it, since I did after all practice my story telling on the police.

Word to the wise; tickets have high interest rates….

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Photos by @Matthew H and @Jeremy B
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