I've always been a hard worker and always done what was asked of me. I've never been scared to get my hands dirty. I can remember priding myself on the hard work that I completed. As a 20-something young man I was a highly sought after member of staff in the catering trade. I was like a little power worker and mostly because I was an extremely fit and healthy young man.

A new country, a new beginning

I came to England in 1999 to work with my Dad at his computer business. He had initially wanted me to come on a government youth scheme that helps unemployed youngsters get into work, however I wasn't eligible. My Dad was completely sure that he was going to get me on the scheme so he had made all the steps to get me down before making any enquiries or plans. To save face with our family he employed me for a short while and made it seem like I wasn't pulling my weight so that he could let me go. It was simplistic yet genius and he didn't have to bear the brunt of the backlash he would get from my Mum and Aunties; I had never had a job before and they had nothing to equate my working life to.

When he let me go I was stuck. He point blank refused to pay for my trip back up to Scotland and my Mum didn't have the money to pay for me to go back; it was expensive, I had all my belongings there. It would have cost quite a bit to get me back. So, I was stuck in the lodgings that he had found me and I now had to find a job quick else I would have found myself homeless. I was very detached from reality at the time. The blow to my employment and career dreams had been ripped open, I was content to sit in a darkened room closed off from anyone and anything. Obviously, that didn't last long because my flatmate needed rent and she wasn't shy about getting it.

First proper job. I had to suck it up

It was there that I found my first ever proper job working as a Kitchen Porter; it's where I found my work shoes for the first time. At the beginning, I was a stranger to hard graft. I was a man that had spent his career dreams chasing computers and sitting at desks; hard physical graft like cleaning drains and mopping floors had been alien to me. The owner, a tall proud man, seen a spark in me that he wanted to hone for himself, something to mould. He had no end of shit from the head chef that was visibly audible about getting rid of me, yet, I expect there was something about me that he didn't want to lose. There was a burning fire inside of me that really excited every employer that took me on. I've been in over 10 interviews in my lifetime and I've only been refused two jobs so that's at least an 80% success rate.

I had finally found my drive to get things done, to muck out shit as hard as I could. If it hadn't been for that job I don't think I would have ever found my work feet or the excitement for going into work every morning. Anyway, that had set me up for a lifetime of working in the catering trade. I also spent a year working for the government afterwards before flying home to stay with Mum for three years. I had worked myself into the ground, drank too much and the pressures of life were the straws that broke the camel’s back. I ended up with three jobs that I was working at simultaneously that I had to give up when I moved back home. Work, life, society; it was too much. I ended up in Psychiatric hospital and had to go home for a few years.

I've worked in hotels too..

It was at a Hotel that I finally found my feet again, after a two week holiday in America that had me desperately passionate to work again and bring in some money. I loved working at that place but there was always something nagging at the bottom of my mind that I could do better. After a few months, I had found myself stuck in a rut and content to exist as I was for eternity. Even my friends had said that I was destined for better. I remember asking the Head Chefs if they had any Trainee openings, but there was none, and I was starting to feel like I was destined for a lifetime of servitude. I always wanted to do better for myself.

That's why I cut ties with the Hotel and moved on to working in the kitchens of Sizewell. When I look back it was a very bad decision for me to just cut ties with them immediately, but I had made strong friendships and people that would have convinced me to stay on, and I probably would have done so. I was not for convincing, and once I had the new employment offer I quit that very day. Bad decision; bad, bad, bad decision if I'm honest. At the very least I should have worked my notice.

Ugh.. nasty work environments are bad for my health

Sizewell was probably the least empowering job that I've ever worked in my life. I went directly from being in a supportive work environment with managers that actually were interested in their employee’s wellbeing to a place that was run on fear, bitterness and anger. Or at least it was for me anyway. I didn't know what it was that they didn't like about me but they were determined to see me fail. They weren't employers for taking the time to support and mentor the staff that were under them but more so expect them to walk into a job and know the ropes from the word go. Your face had to fit and if it didn't you were out. A very nice young lady called Chanelle and me were ousted for nothing other than not doing our jobs properly, but here's the thing, they didn't teach us to do it properly in the first place. Only shout at us when we were doing it wrong. This is why I ended up on the streets getting drunk when I was supposed to be at work. I didn't feel that I fitted in but I was too unconfident to tell them where to shove it.

The world is my oyster

It was when I landed at a voluntary venture that I realised the world was completely my oyster. That I could do anything and everything that my heart desired. See, I expect it's often hard for employers that respect their staff, on that rare moment they come across an underachiever, balancing bringing out their awesome with not letting them get too confident that they lose them to a better job. I sort of understand that. I don't condone it, but I totally understand it. At the voluntary place it was different. My Mentor always told me that I was destined for great things, and yet, here I am, a multi-award winning, soon-to-be author. To explain, I've won several awards for my work in the community. I've helped people win national awards, and I have done so much since that day she sat me down and said in six years I wouldn't recognise my life.

I've learned through my life the trick is not showing someone what they can do with their life, it's getting them to believe they can do it themselves. That's the clincher. And at New Thresholds they had finally made me believe I could do so much more with my life. Previously I had always thought I could do more but I did not have the first clue how to start and what to do. They paved that way for me; they laid that path.

I can do anything. What is stopping me? Take a little risk. It could pay off.

Once I believed that I could do anything I started to do anything. Within reason of course. I went from being an administrator to a community teacher in a matter of months. That was my first brush with higher responsibility and something I took to like a duck in water. I taught older people how to use the internet and familiarise them with technology before they found themselves left behind. It was something that I learned at college, and, as a boy that was practically raised by his Grandad I have a special fondness for older people.

From there I started doing some supervisory work in the office, however I didn't have that much bi-directional communication from the management team. I sort of feel that the skills they could offer me by then had Plateaued. I had reached my limit early but I was still gagging to learn more and becoming slightly angry that I was being held back. Held back because I asked if I could go to Open University but I was told that I wasn't ready yet. In sheer defiance of what I was told I went and landed myself a proper teaching job for the local council, and it was there that I learned that I probably wasn't ready for anything higher up the chain just yet.

The Charity fell into debt and had to close in the latter end of 2010, just after the Election. I had my own plans by then and wanted to go it on my own; do something I had always wanted to do. Business for myself; but it was short lived. Natalie started to have major problems and I struggled to get any work done. Alex was born that year too and I ended up with child duties and work to do. By July 2012 we were two weeks from declaring ourselves bankrupt and calling the self-employment a day.

New beginnings

Luckily, a week before we were going to make the decision I landed a position at Great Yarmouth Community Trust. I was full of excitement again; a new job with new boundaries. I was going to kick ass at this. I wasn't aware at the time but a lot of the aspects of the position had been far out of my depths, but it was because I had a specific set of skills that they took me on and were willing to train me. The job has been the best position I've ever had in my life. I was a Project Co-ordinator. I spearheaded six separate community Projects in Great Yarmouth; one of which became one the most successful services the town had seen from Great Yarmouth Community Trust. I can remember talking to huge audiences, sitting on large forums and meeting with very important people. I really felt part of a bigger picture and landed myself something that I had always wanted to do. I was working my dream job.

I write, therefore I am

Sadly, that ended three years later. The funding pot that was keeping me healthy in that position had dried out and I had to seek employment elsewhere. And that is where I took to writing. I picked something that used most of my skills as they were; you might not realise it but I use a broad set of skills in my blog posts, my experience, knowledge and practical skillset, all gets pumped into the post. I’m a connector of sorts lets say. Each post serves a purpose, teaches the reader something new. It was a way for me to grow and expand on what I've learned already. To spread my word far and wide. It's been quite the learning experience. 

I started The Relationship Blogger to further my message that we can improve our relationships with ourselves and other people by analysing the way we interact with each other. With a good bit of introspection, we can look at bettering our interpersonal skills to pave the way for a happier and more fulfilled life.

But I just keep learning. I don’t pretend to have all the answers or know the meaning of life. Steemit for example is teaching me an entirely different perspective on writing, engaging and changing my opinion slightly. I hope it is you too!

Thanks for listening.