Unsent Letters #4

I woke up at 6 AM today.

Went to yoga class. I met a trainer who I last saw months ago. I was pleasantly surprised to see he remembered me. "It's really nice to see you again!", he said to me. That was nice. The session was great, too. A very good start to the day.

Everything went downhill from there!

I came back home and slipped into my sheets. I began to scroll through my Instagram feed, mindlessly. Every few minutes, I checked the time—each time it was later than the previous. Obviously, you might say. The point I'm trying to make is that each time, I knew I was going to be late to work and did nothing about it.

Then I rushed, albeit not sincerely enough. I had to...I chose to skip breakfast to make up for lost time. I reached my workplace at 10:03 AM. That would be 33 minutes late, but nobody ever comes on time. For all practical intents and purposes, it is safe to say I reached 3 minutes late. I went straight to the terrace and sat at the table we have there. I unpacked my lunch box and ate half of it—so that I'd have something left for lunchtime.

Then it hit me.

In my haste, I'd forgotten to brush my teeth! It was too late to do anything about that now. I went downstairs quietly—just the way I went upstairs—and sat at my desk. And began my day, so to say. I didn't really begin anything. I did nothing of consequence today. That's not so bad, you might say. Well, it's the 4th such day. This whole week has been unproductive and uneventful. And to top it all off, I was lonely. This is was self-enforced, of course. I didn't take the initiative to talk to anybody.

All my life, I've tried to be sugar, tried to be pleasant to everyone. Some days, I was successful, some days, not. These days, all I can get myself to be is salt. Distancing myself from everybody and hoping somebody notices. It has not worked in my favor. I don't think isolation ever works, for anybody. But it's tempting, almost irresistible.

I can barely make eye contact, these days. What if they see that I'm not really there?

Knock knock!

Nobody's home.

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