How to win friends and influence people

I recently finished reading "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. I heard and became interested in this book after reading an article stating that this is one of Warren Buffet's favorite books. I have read in the past a Dale Carnegie book entitled "The art of public speaking" and I had a lot to learn from there, but "How to win friends and influence people has completely changed the way I interact with people. I have extracted from the book some basic ideas that will help you understand how to improve your qualities to interact with people even if you have not read the book.  

Don’t criticise, condemn or complain

  "Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain — and most fools do," Carnegie writes. "But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving." 

“Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself” 

  “Let’s realize that criticisms are like homing pigeons. They always return home. Let’s realize that the person we are going to correct and condemn will probably justify himself or herself, and condemn us in return;”

Give honest and sincere appreciation

  "Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement," Carnegie wrote. Be lavish with praise, but only in a genuine way, he advised."

"Remember, we all crave appreciation and recognition, and will do almost anything to get it," he said. "But nobody wants insincerity. Nobody wants flattery."

Arouse in the other person an eager want

Carnegie writes that "the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it."

He refers to a quote by Henry Ford: "If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own."

“If out of reading this book you get just one thing - an increased tendency to think always in terms of other people’s point of view, and see things from their angle - if you get that one thing out of this book, it may easily prove to be one of the building blocks of your career."

Become genuinely interested in other people

Alfred Adler, the famous Viennese psychologist, wrote a book entitled What Life Should Mean to You. In that book he says: “It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.”

Smile

Steel magnate Charles Schwab claimed his smile was worth a million bucks. "And he was probably understating the truth," Carnegie writes. "For Schwab's personality, his charm, his ability to make people like him, were almost wholly responsible for his extraordinary success; and one of the most delightful factors in his personality was his captivating smile." 

Professor James V. McConnell, a psychologist at the University of Michigan, expressed his feelings about a smile. “People who smile,” he said, “tend to manage teach and sell more effectively, and to raise happier children. There’s far more information in a smile than a frown. That’s why encouragement is a much more effective teaching device than punishment.” 

The ancient Chinese were a wise lot - wise in the ways of the world; and they had a proverb that you and I ought to cut out and paste inside our hats. It goes like this: “A man without a smiling face must not open a shop.”  

Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language  

  This policy of remembering and honoring the names of his friends and business associates was one of the secrets of Andrew Carnegie’s leadership. He was proud of the fact that he could call many of his factory workers by their first names, and he boasted that while he was personally in charge, no strike ever disturbed his flaming steel mills. 

Napoleon the Third, Emperor of France and nephew of the great Napoleon, boasted that in spite of all his royal duties he could remember the name of every person he met. His technique? Simple. If he didn’t hear the name distinctly, he said, “So sorry. I didn’t get the name clearly.” Then, if it was an unusual name, he would say, “How is it spelled?” During the conversation, he took the trouble to repeat the name several times, and tried to associate it in his mind with the person’s features, expression and general appearance.