A Snippet of My Life as a Child: To Flush or Not to Flush
So Dark
Dark enough to see colors again.
What are these colors? They're still there when I close my eyes.
It's quiet now. Everyone must be sleeping.
I forgot to go to the bathroom.
Still Awake
Two hours later.
I hate school. Why can't it always be the weekend? I rented those games for three days. I only got to play for two. That's not fair. It won't be there when I get home from school. I'll never get to play that game again.
I really have to go to the bathroom!
The Bed Creaks
They'll hear me.
Slowly. Quiet. Move to the edge of the bed. Sit. Wait.
This is going to be loud, but I got this far. It's time to stand.
On my feet. I hope they didn't hear that. I better wait.
It's still quiet. Good. Time to move to the door. The knob makes noise. Not good. I'll turn it slowly.
The door is open. Pause. Listen. It's still quiet. Time to make my next move.
The floor.
It creaks.
One step at a time. You can do this.
Step around the noisy parts. I hope they can't hear my heart pounding. I better hold my breath.
One step. Pause. Next step. Pause. It's still quiet. I'm almost there.
On the other side of that wall, they sleep.
I hope I don't piss my pants before I get there. So close.
They might hear the click. I better leave the door open.
They'll hear splashing. Aim for the side of the bowl. Don't screw this up.
Oh my god does that ever feel good. I'm so glad I did this.
To flush
or not to flush.
Time to make a decision. Do I get yelled at now for flushing and making noise, or do I get yelled at in the morning, for not flushing.
I'm so close to the Nintendo. Nearly halfway. I got this far. I'll flush later, on my way back, when I'm done. Then they'll think I only woke up to go to the bathroom. Genius.
More of the floor. These socks make so much noise on this carpet. Take it slow.
It's so dark in here. The wall will guide me.
Finally
I made it.
All I have to do now is push this button.
click
Ha ha ha ha ha! And on tonight's top ten we have: top ten reasons...
click
Holy crap David Letterman why did you have to be so loud...
I thought I told you boys to get to bed! Shut that TV off! Now!
Busted.
I'll run to bed before they can see which one of us it was. Genius.
Safe. That was close. I better sleep. Come on body. Sleep! So tired. Almost there. So close. There are those colors again. Hello colors...
WHO PISSED AND DIDN'T FLUSH THE TOILET?!?!
Not me!
This reminds me a little of, "To Russell, My Brother, Whom I Slept With" by Cosby.
Was that Cosby's earlier work? I don't know much about him or his stories.
I was born in 1974 so I mostly know Cosby from Captain Kangaroo and The Cosby Show. However, this one album I heard and it was fantastically funny. On one side he tells the story of growing up and sharing a bed with his brother Russell. When they were supposed to be asleep they would cause trouble -- general kid stuff pushing and shoving -- and they got louder and louder until they woke up their father and he came in an roared at them and they were scared and deathly silent.
When I heard it I was around 10 or so and it was the funniest story I'd ever heard because I could imagine my younger brother and I in this story. The album was recorded in the 60's so it must have been over 20 years old, but great comedy is timeless. In a couple of years I could probably put this on for my daughter. (Admittedly, references to the corporal punishment of children is no longer relevant, but this can be easily overlooked.)
I remember the Cosby Show and old reruns of Fat Albert, vaguely.
I think when it comes to what we all did as kids versus what our parents actually knew about us and how we were dealing with their behavior, many can come up with a similar story as above or how you describe Cosby's.
Kids these days got it good. They fear having their phone taken away. We feared for our lives.
I had forgotten about Fat Albert. The cartoons back then were pretty great.
The youth these days may be spoiled in many regards, but the cartoons they have are pretty awful.
I remember coming home from high school and seeing by brother watching Captain Planet and thinking, "This is awful. Why would you watch this?" I didn't realize at the time that this was the beginning of the end of non-edutainment cartoons.
Next time you should pee in the flusher, that will save you from dilemmas 😉
That man in your colors looks a lot like this man in the rock, only judging by his smile he must have peed in the lake behind him 🤣
I tried a milk jug one night but I don't feel like writing that story.
I think those guys are bothers and I see some of their cousins in tree bark from time to time.
You think? Because their eyes look so much alike!
Those cousins, I see them too.
You are not alone
Lmao! Apart from the Nintendo bit, it's still like that for me now. Wifey can be a grumpy ***** if she gets woken up before her alarm goes off.
I think we all feel like hostages trying to escape our own homes at some point.
nawww...sad face.
I see static when I close my eyes. And sometimes noise in low light. As if taking a photo with high ISO
Yup, static is probably the best way to describe it. It's there, you can see it, but it's impossible to focus on it enough to take a closer look. Ever close your eyes, look at the sun, and see blood vessels or something? When I was a kid I thought I had worms in my eyes.
You got me wondering about this now and I sat here for two minutes with eyes closed not seeing much - static. In a relaxed state I have seen swirling colors many times, but apparently I'm not relaxed right now. I would have pegged you to be the type to see the color swirls as well, since you are creative. I'm of the theory most of us can, we just end up falling sleep when relaxed and not paying attention.
"What are these colors? They're still there when I close my eyes."
Thats just the acid.
"Do I get yelled at now for flushing and making noise, or do I get yelled at in the morning, for not flushing."
They seem to get more mad about not flushing. They view it as you marking their territory. The trick is to show parents that you are the alpha. It helps to shake a can of pennies at them and speak in a firm tone when they try to yell at you.
If only I would have known this valuable information back then.
Interesting how some things are rather similar. I use to always try to sneak down to the computer late at night and play a few more hours of Might and Magic VI. First thing when I got home was to load up that game and keep playing till it was time to go to bed.
Always wanted I to be the weekend as well!
I can so relate to that flushing part. My folks bedroom was right next to the bathroom. Everything woke up them up. Depending if they had anger me would be if how I would resolve the flush now and risk waking them up or deal with the consequences in the morning.
I rode the school bus. First one on, last one off. On the way home I'd study my Nintendo Power magazines and be fully prepared for my lengthy gaming sessions. I studied a game atlas more than text books. I was the kid who knew all the codes.
Funny as hell. David Letterman too! How the ___did he know? Crap. Now I need to shit. LOL
I became much smarter as I got older. Learning to turn the volume all the way down before going to bed was a huge step towards success in life. David Letterman ratted me out that night but never again!
My parenting philosophy on the matter is a noisy flush is far better than pee in the bed, but maybe that changes once the child is known to have an iron-clad bladder.
I understand your mother's feelings on not flushing. The stinch of twelve hour old urine, gag.
I was supposed to do all that before bed, no excuses, and don't screw it up. Knowing I had already screwed up is probably why it took two hours to finally decide to just get up and go.
This is sort of like a fortunetelling for the coming years. Don't screw it up is a phrase I could imagine using, and then my son waiting two hours to sneak out of bed...poor kid.
It's funny you know; when we're kids, we wish to be adults; when we're adults, we want to be kids again.
I think it's because neither of those age groups really understand each other's lives. Kids don't know the deep fucking shit they're in for later on. Adults are so deep in the shit that they forget to remember what it's actually like to be a kid. Sure, maybe you had more free time and summers off... but you forget having no damn money, having to be in bed by nine, getting bullied by that one kid who lives with his grandparents, and spending a large majority of the year forced to attend what basically amounts to prison.
I'm quite all right with that chapter being over. Besides, I kinda forgot to grow up anyway, so I'm basically winning.
I used to sit up and imagine how great life is going to be in the year 2020. If I could go back, I'd tell myself, "Slow down kid. Go to sleep. Yes, those other cars on Rad Racer will be controlled by other people in the future, but some will only want to slam into you and ruin your fun."
It does feel good to be out of prison though.
You're god damn right it does.
Time is just moving so fast these days. I can’t even tell you where my weekend went or how it is almost Tuesday.
I recall very long almost never-ending hours of daylight of playing with my cars in the basement. I swore the days would never end. They would just keep going and going and going.
While I wanted to grow up and do “adult stuff” my folks where rather forward with how much it suck. Everything cost money and they sure told me every day. So part of me just wished for the summers to never end and those long hours of playing with my cars in the basement didn’t end as a kid.
This reminds me of Michael rosens chocolate boy on youtube. Also your parents sounded kind of mean not letting you flush the toilet at night.
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They were only mean when my existence was an inconvenience. LOL!