The Foster care system through my eyes.  FINAL PART!!!!!

        I couldn't believe that Raymond was on his way to jail for drugs and guns.  Pretty crazy how your life can change in a blink of an eye.  One minute you're here and the next you're gone, just like that.  A story played way too many times in the inner cities of our great country.  This isn't just a NYC problem but it was everywhere.  At the young age of 15 I was still wet behind the ears.  I didn't even have a clue as to what life was really like.  All I really knew is what I saw in my neighborhood and on T.V.  So I was a little shocked to see someone I go to school with in the back of the police car.

As I walked by the cop car he looked in my direction and when he recognized me he quickly put his head down.  I would be embarrassed too if my friend saw me in the back of a cop car.  I started to make my way home down the litter covered street.  Even though we have an extensive sanitation workforce in the city, there is always tons of trash everywhere.

People in NYC don't believe in garbage cans.  I still have the bad habit of littering til this day! I started to kick this bag of McDonald's down the street and only got halfway down the block before a half eaten big mac exploded through the bag.  The night was young and the air was cold and still.  Even though it was early the streets were pretty empty.  Normally on a summer day everyone would be outside having a good old time.  But I guess the cold weather keeps people in the house.  

I finally reached my street and was happy I would be nice and warm in a few moments.  I walked up the steps and rang the doorbell.  My mother said I wasn't old enough to have my own set of keys plus she was always home so I really didn't need them.  As I waited for my mother to peeked her head out the widow I heard someone scream "AYO" I turned to see two guys walking towards me.  I can tell they were older Spanish kids who were probably out of school.  The one kid asked me "What size is the hat?!?".  You know what I did next right? NOPE you don't.  I took off my hat and told him my size 7 1/4.  The kid looked over his shoulder and reached to grab my hat, but I pulled away from him and out of the corner of my eyes I saw a splash.  I looked up to see my mother in the window with a giant pot.  My mother didn't speak English so she said the only things she really knew and she said it just like this..."fucky you fucky fuck POLICE POLICE mothafucky!!!!" The two kids ran down the street and the one kid tripped on his over-sized jeans.  Hahahahahaha!!!! My mother had no fear.  She asked if I was okay and I told her I was.  Then I told her that's why I need keys and she looked at me and said "When you pay the rent here you can have keys." 

Christmas vacation flew right by and I was back at school counting down the days for summer vacation.  I couldn't wait to be a junior so I could be on the basketball team again.  Only this time I will try-out for varsity.  It wasn't easy seeing all my friends playing on the team while I sat at the cubicle sized pager store.  I was grateful for the job and all but I feel like I was missing out on key development to my game.  I played everyday but it wasn't what I needed.  My grades were good and all my teachers gave my mother good reports.  So by the time I finished my year out I passed once again with flying colors.  This summer I was going to go to work at my sister's store doing the same thing that I'm doing at the pager spot.  I just wanted to earn some good money so I can buy some new sneakers.  I made good money at the pager store but I spent a lot of money on clothes and stupid stuff.  By the time the summer was finished I had over $1000 saved up.  I started 11th grade looking like a million bucks.  Even though I had everything I ever wanted I still felt empty.  There was something inside of me that would not let me be truly happy.  The questions plagued my head and constantly grew more complex?  What does it feel like to know your mother? What did she look like?  It had been so long that I had seen her that I couldn't remember her face.  I would stay up for hours trying to picture her in my mind.  All I could remember was the locations that we were in together.  I remembered she smoked cigarettes. I remember she would always play the movie "The Lost Boys".  

Til this day it's my favorite movie.  But I couldn't remember anything else and it was burning me up inside.  Throw in the fact that I had absolutely no one to talk to about this and let's just say the inside of my head was a wreck.  I wanted to talk to Danny about it but I knew he would be upset that I never told him about my family.  He had been open and honest with me about everything it was only right that I be honest with him.  I felt it was time that I told him but I just kept putting it off.  Days would turn to weeks and weeks into months.  At the rate I was going he would probably never know. 

Eleventh grade was pretty intense.  Every subject was emphasizing that we do good this year for college applications next year.  In my mind I thought, I haven't ever failed a class in all the time I was here so I don't have anything to worry about.  The only reason I had such a non-chalant attitude is because I knew my mother was not going to let me go where I wanted to for college.  She wanted me to go to the community college in Manhattan.  It was almost as if she wanted to keep me within arms reach forever.  I love my mother but she has another thing coming if she thinks I'm gonna stay here in the city for college.  All I know is NYC,  I've never really experienced much else.  Don't get it wrong I still love my city  but I wanted to experience more out of life.  If I stayed in NYC I don't think I would be able to experience what I wanted out of life.  I had a whole lot of thing I wanted to do on my bucket list.

Like I said earlier 11th grade was pretty intense and every teacher made it seem like if we failed their class it would be the end of our life as we now it.  Teachers always had a way of making things more serious for what they really are.  Like I said I was not sweating it, but that added intensity made everyone a little nervous.  By the time Christmas break came around I was mentally exhausted from all the college speeches and tours I had been through already.

Highlights of 11th grade included me finally being able to join the varsity basketball team.  I honestly did not think my mother would allow me.  Our basketball team was not very good.  Most of the good players in the school could not join the team because of their grades.  We didn't even have a full roster.  It was sad when we saw other teams come into our gym with more people on their team then there was people in the stands.  We probably had like nine people on the team.  A game that I will remember for the rest of my life was played in Brownsville, which is also in Brooklyn.  When we got there we noticed that their gym was just as shitty as ours, but their stands were packed.  I felt like I had finally made it to a big game with all these people watching.  I was never good enough to start on the basketball team so I always came off the bench.  I guess I didn't mind coming off of the bench because than the blame wouldn't be on me and who wants to look like a loser.  

As we walked in the gym we were greeted with boos and hisses.  At the time DMX's song was out and everyone barked like dogs to imitate the gangsta rapper.  So naturally the kids in the gym were also barking.  It was pretty intimidating, plus there shortest player was taller than our tallest.  I remember feeling like I was in the movie SpaceJam about to face the MonStarrs.  If you have ever been to a game you would have seen players warming up on the lay up line.  Even their pregame workouts were intimidating.  They were slamming the backboards with every lay up.  The slams rang through the gym with a thunderous roar.  The referee called for the captains to halfcourt, they shook hands and returned to the benches.  The starters stepped out on the court.  The mismatch was insane.  The referee threw the ball up in the air and their center easily tipped the ball toward his teammate.  They passed the ball to #23 and he charged the lane and dunked the on three of my teammates.  

At first I thought a bomb went off because the gym erupted the second he dunked.  Everyone rushed the court and it was pandemonium.  It took the referees 15 minutes to get the game under control, they almost canceled the game.  We lost that game with that dunk.  By the time the game was over we were down by 85 points.  Yes you read that right, 85 points.  The coach didn't even scream at us this time.  We all just sat there starring at the floor in their locker room.  We could hear the other team and everyone in the gym celebrating.  But this wasn't your ordinary fairy tale celebrating.  They were screaming out threats and we could hear everyone of them clearly.  That day we only had seven players plus our coach.  My school was pretty broke so we didn't have any special budget for the basketball program.  They didn't even drive us to the schools for the games.  We had to take the subway with this paper that the MTA officers would never take until we proved that we were indeed a basketball team and not a group of gang-bangas.  So today was no different but we could see the nervousness in the coach's face.  He looked at us and said "Straight to the train station no fucking around." The worst part of the whole situation is that we had to go through the gym to go outside and not one person from the school had left yet.  It was as if they were trying to intimidate us with their insults.  

We finished getting dressed and we walked out.  Some of the students were in the hallway but when we turned the corner we could see a mob had formed in the gym.  Everyone instantly became silent and we just grilled each other.  We might have been outnumbered 30 to 1 but we had to stand up for our neighborhood and not back down.  We kept our head held high and began to walk towards the gym.  Immediately the taunting resumed, I know we would never back down but we were not stupid enough to react to what was being said.  Once we got to the gym we realized just how many people were there in our face scream looking like they were going to kill us.  Not one teacher tried to calm the situation down.  I even saw one of the security guards in the corner laughing.  We finally made it outside and there was even more people in front than in the gym.  Our coach nodded his head, jumped in his crap car and drove off. 

We started walking towards the train station not ever looking back.  After about ten minutes of walking Danny is the first one to speak after ten minutes of silence. "AHHHH HAAAA all you guys were shittin' your pants!!!!!" We bust out laughing.  I'm glad somebody broke the ice, the tension was crazy high.  We were indeed nervous as all hell, in fact we were walking the wrong way!  We went in the store and asked them where we could catch a train to Bushwick and he told us we were like five minutes away from the subway station.  We walked out of the store only to find that everybody from the school  was walking towards us.  

Just when we thought we were in the clear we find out that the mob has followed us to the train station.  It was now or never either run or stand out ground.  We all looked at each other and turned towards the mob and stood there.  Gazing at them as if to say "come on bring it."  We stood stood standing there for what seemed to be forever but nobody move on either side.  My heart was racing and I could feel the veins in my neck throbbing.  We were all pumped up with adrenaline and Danny just set it off.  He screamed "COME ON WHAT'S UP!!! WHAT YA WANNA DO!!! We then started to scream and shout insults taunting the mob.  They must have thought we were crazy to stand up to over 100 people.  We could see that they began to taper off and one by one walk away.  We stood there until there was no one left in the mob.  Some of them even nodded there head towards us as if to say "Much respect."  We were all kind of stunned that we weren't laid out on the floor bloody.  There was no way we would have ever came out on top of that fight.  

We reached the train station and as usual we had to prove to the MTA lady in the booth that we were a real basketball team.  When we got on the L train we were happy to finally be on our way home. 

We were exhausted, hungry and drained from the adrenaline rush we just had.  As we walked into the subway car there was a dude in there breakdancing all over the car.  You see this type of thing all the time in the city, especially in the subway.  Street performers from all over came to the city to try to make a living.  Some of the made really good money too.  This guy was playing one of my favorite reggae song "Here comes the boom" By Sean Paul ft. DMX.  

The dude dancing was pretty good.  When he finished his little routine we all chipped in and gave him like $25.  He was happy he made a couple dollars and got off on the next stop.  That's why I love my city so much.  Yeah we have bad things happen here but we also have a lot of positivity.  When the train got to the next stop the car doors open and in entered two all older dudes.  As soon as they entered I knew that something bad was going to happen.  

They walk past us real slow looking each one was up and down.  They didn't even say one word as they walked past us.  All of a sudden they turned towards us with a gun in hand and said "Ya already know what time it is." This is absolutely crazy.  We had just escaped an ass whooping from the frenzied mob, only to ride on the train and be robbed my two thugs.  They robbed each and every one of us for everything we had.  My boy James got hit the worst.  He had like $200 and a brand new Avirex leather jacket.

Biggie wearing an Avirex leather jacket

 James got hit in the face with the gun because he didn't wanna give up the jacket.  We all felt really bad but there was nothing that we could do against two coked up armed thugs.  It is what it is.  This was just another part of living in this crazy hood of ours.  If it wasn't for my mother being so strict I would probably running around the streets with my head cut off.  I'd probably end up like Raymond or worse maybe like Spanky six feet deep in pine box.  Me and Danny just sat there thinking this night could have ended up a lot worse.  I wasn't willing to die for $70 he can have it.  So we lived to fight another day.  The next year we were gonna graduate to being men.  Finally after 12 years of schooling we were going to finally be done.  We just had to live long enough to see that day come.

THE FOLLOWING YEAR

We were finally in the 12th grade and we felt as if we were on top of the world.  We had about three months of school left and the prom was coming up.  Me and Danny already gotten fitted for the tuxedos.  We got the matching ones he had the bow tie and I had the tie, black and ivory.  We were gonna be looking like a million bucks stepping out the all white stretch Lincoln Navigator.  

Plus my date was the prettiest girl in the school.  Pretty face bubble butt and she stayed with some door knockers on (my 80's babies know what that is).  I was feeling myself.  I had started playing piano the year before and I was good enough to play lead piano in all the school concerts.  So my popularity was at an all time high.  There was no doubt that I was gonna graduate high school so I was real proud of myself.  Everything was going good this year, the only thing is I still hadn't told my best friend that I was adopted.  By this time I knew that he wasn't gonna care I was worried about him being mad that I never told him.  

The prom was about two weeks away and I was really anxious about going.  I had never really been to a party outside of the school so I know that I was gonna have a good time.  Even though I was already 17 my mother still treated me like a child.  Any chance she got she would punish me and not let me go to work.  Thank God my boss was cool as hell.  If not I would have been fired a long time ago.  

I remember me and Danny got into some beef with these cats from the block around the corner from Danny's house.  So one day they cornered me in the hallway and my boy Harry just so happened to be walking by.  He had my back and we managed to get out of that situation.  We knew that most of our boys were playing ball in the gym so we headed down there to get them.  There was gonna be a good old fashioned fight after school.  We were real tight knit and didn't let anyone mess with any of us.  So it was on and we gonna let it be known that nobody tried to cross us and get away with it.  We roamed the halls like twenty deep looking for them cats who tried to come at my neck.  We never found them and the last bell just went off so everyone was leaving the school.  I guess we were all about to get suspended.  I didn't care because I knew they couldn't stop me from graduating for having a little scuffle in the school.  By the time we got outside the word had spread that we were looking for those guys so a nice little crowd had formed.  Rumors had been circulating around the school about us standing up to the mob so now everyone feared us , plus we had an extra ten guys with us now.  Once that kid saw how many people I had behind me he switched up quick.  Danny looked at the kid and just laughed, if only that kid knew what he just saved himself from.  

I hadn't realized it but 45 minutes had passed before I realized I was late to get home.  My mom gave me a little ten minute leeway even though it only took two minutes to walk home.  I knew for a fact that she would be waiting for me.  I peaced out all the fellas and rushed home.  As soon as I hit the corner I could see my mother's head poking out of the window.  Dam this is crazy I'm 17 years old and I'm treated like a child.  As soon as I walked in the house my mother asked my why I was late.  I told her that I stayed behind to help my teacher move some tables around.  My mother looked at me and she shook her head and even though she stood 4'9  and I was at my present height of 5'9 she smacked me across the face.  I was shocked beyond belief.  My mother had never hit me before.  I mean she spanked my butt when I was younger and cutting up, but I couldn't remember the last time she did.  It didn't physically hurt but the tears were rolling down my face.  She said that she had called the teacher when I didn't show up to the house.  I was caught red handed in a bold face lie and it infuriated her.  She screamed at me saying that I should never lie to her and than she crushed my dreams.  She told me that I couldn't go to the prom.  I had already spent like $500 on my tux, limo, prom tickets and my date's dress.  The crazy thing is that I knew that she didn't care how much I spent.  It would not faze her at all, not the least little bit.

The next day I broke the news to Danny and he was devastated that I wouldn't be going to the prom.  We had been best freinds ever since we met the day he stood up for me four years ago in ninth grade.  He really couldn't understand why my mother was so hard on me.  He knew that I was a straight A student and that I was one of the few kids who didn't smoke drink and was still a virgin.  Yeah I know I was a late bloomer and trust me I was the butt of alot of jokes.  I even came up with a clever line " I waited this long so I'm gonna wait until I'm married."  It was the biggest lie I ever told because I was dying to lose my virginity already.  Any how Danny kept ranting on and on about how my mom was messed up and crazy.  That she should be lucky that she had a son like me. "SHE'S NOT MY REAL MOM." Danny stopped in mid sentence and just looked at me like I had a bugger in my nose.  Finally I had just told my best friend what I had been hiding from him all these years, it was a big release.  I continued to explain the whole situation to him in detail and he looked like he was shocked.  "Why didn't you tell me this before?"  I explained how I tried and just let too much time pass by.  He was pissed but got over it fairly quickly.  He told me that I should have never kept it from him because he wouldn't have looked at me any different.  We had just solidified a friendship that will last for as long as we live.

Prom came and went and my mom kept her word about not letting me go.  I was devastated but got over it quickly. I was about to start on the journey of my life and the prom actually seemed a little trivial at the moment.  Danny actually won prom king. I was surprised.  I guess I didn't realize that he was so popular.  Me and Danny had the same barber so we went to see him together.  We got haircuts and for the first time every the barber shaped up my mustache and beard.  Now I felt like a man.  Graduation was in the morning and I was happy but sad at the same time.  Danny had not gotten the necessary credits to graduate.  He would have to attend summer school in order to get his diploma.  Come to think of it my graduating class only had 45 people in it.  Everyone else failed.  There were more kids graduating from the special ed classes than the mainstream ones.  The public school system in NYC has never been the greatest, but it sure felt good to finally be receiving my diploma.

The next day graduation went off without a hitch.  Danny came to the graduation and made sure that my mom didn't see him.  Crazy how we had to hide our friendship until the very last day of school.  I played the graduation song on the piano as the graduating class walked in.  It was dope.  It lasted about two hours and then High School was officially over.  I was finally done with the NYC public school system.  I went home that night and I was beyond happy.  I was ready to start a new journey in the next chapter of my life.  I didn't apply to college because I knew my mom would only let me go to the community college.  My mom came in the room and gave me a hug and a kiss saying she was proud of me.  She got off of the bed and walked out of the room.  She quickly walked back in and told me "I forgot to tell you.  Pack up your bags you are going to go live with your sister in NJ. She will be here in the morning."  Just like that without any say so a new chapter just opened up in my life.  I was leaving the city and moving to NJ.  I'll never forget that day it was the end of June 2001....three months late two planes hit the World Trade Center................

THE END!!!!!!

Where one Chapter ends another begins!!!!

If you have read this far I am truly grateful.  I know many might not make it this far but that's okay this post will be here forever.  I hope you all have enjoyed reading about my childhood.  It was a lot of work to bring this to you guys and I can honestly say I am happy with the results and feedback.  

All of you here on Steemit have inspired me to write again so stay tuned for much more to come!!!!

If you enjoyed reading about my childhood wait until you read about my young adult years.  Lets's just say things don't turn out how you think they will.  It will be a roller coaster ride full of twists and turns. 

Once again thanks for reading this far!!!!!

Until the next post 

STEEM ON!!!!!