PARENTING 101

Parenting 101

I read books prior to my son’s arrival. You know, those parenting books that are supposed to be the blueprint to being the world’s best parent. Yes, those books – they SUCK!

Let me backtrack a little, the books that tell you about the practical side of things aren’t so bad. The Wiki-How type books. 5 steps to changing a diaper. No, no, they suck too. Because they neglect to tell you that sometimes, you’ll be half asleep changing a diaper using your phone screen as a light source because you’re too tired to reach for the light switch.
That was my issue – I thought I was well prepared for motherhood. The books gave me a false sense of security. No one and nothing mentioned the tiredness, sleepiness, soreness - did I mention tiredness – that ensues.

My best advice to any new parent is this:
Nothing will be the same, take it in your stride, don’t forget to take a shower and accept for the foreseeable future, that sleep will become a myth.

Navigating parenthood is a maze unlike any other. Every child is unique – this isn’t supposed to be a compliment! 😉 They have their own quirks, likes, dislikes, attitudes – essentially, they have their own, unique everything. (That’s another reason why the books suck). You’re struck, with no prior warning, with this little human who cannot communicate in a way we understand, crying, projectile vomiting, pooping, feeding and sleeping (at all the wrong times). It’s so not a Johnson & Johnson advert. I genuinely thought “yep, I’ve got this!” I had these grand plans, to wait 6 weeks (as recommended), hit the gym, only consume healthy, organic food, feed the ducks, go to baby yoga – the list goes on. I’ll tell you what I managed to do… I managed to make it through the first 6 weeks. Between the crying, projectile vomiting, pooping, feeding and sleeping I achieved exactly nothing aside from keeping my head above water. I was exhausted. All the time. I had never used the washing machine so much in my life. My baby boy did not want to sleep in his moses basket – oh no, no. Why would he, when he could sleep in my arms. If I so much as went to make a cup of tea, the kettle wouldn’t have finished boiling before you’d hear the pained screams that coming out of him. How could something so small be so loud. You run back in a frantic panic, ask them what’s wrong, pick them up, hush them and they scream even louder. Jeez, am I holding him too tight? Is his diaper in need of a change? Is he hungry? Maybe, it’s colic. I should Google colic. This is the pop quiz you go through every time they cry, but there’s no one to confirm your answers. I’m sure the baby is just as confused!
So, how do we get through it? Well, really there’s only one way – p a t i e n c e.

patience
ˈpeɪʃ(ə)ns/
noun

the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious.

There’s no other way. It’s a whole heap of trial and error and patience. Not only do you need to be patient with the baby, but you need patience with yourself too. Don’t have super high expectations of parenthood. The vast majority of us do it without an au pair and a rotating team of nannies. Give yourself the chance to experience everything. It all goes far too quickly. Every moment can help shape your baby. Their senses, their personality, their character. We have such an influence but we are also so quick to dismiss the idea of such influence citing a baby’s lack of understanding as a reason.

In hindsight, I cannot believe the impact I had on my son. When I needed a break, I’d turn on YouTube and play the phonics songs – not a purposeful choice, just one that I knew would draw his attention (colours and sounds). Those YouTube videos gave my son the most amazing start and I didn’t even know it. By the time he was one, he knew every letter in the alphabet, phonetically and could read simple 2 and 3 letter words.

Like I said, every child is unique. They all have their own personalities. Always try to enhance their personality, rather than construct them. Set the tone from birth. Accept that although they are babies, they do understand. Educating your child starts from day 1. More next time…

• Monalisa xo