The Night Garden
The sleep was sparse last night. I got up this morning and took the little lady to school in a strange fugue-like state. On my return, I caught sight of myself in the hall mirror.
I looked like one of the dementors from a Harry Potter film.
I shook my head and pondered the events of the night before that had led to me looking like an old piece of skin that had been lying in a dirty puddle for a week.
The lamplight was low, as suited this time. I sat on one of the easy chairs and looked over at my son fondly. He was sitting on the floor, deep in thought.
He looked up.
Father? What causes the air to move in the sky?
I chuckled and waved my whisky glass around in a semi-magical motion.
Perhaps if you pour me another dram I shall be lubricated enough to tell you!
The not so little boom laughed and leapt up, grabbing the bottle from the mantle and pouring me a good glug into my glass.
There. Now, will you tell?
His expectant face beamed up at me.
Of course, young man. Well. The air above us and indeed... around us, moves because of many things. One of these is the action of temperature. Warm air rises and cold air sinks. This causes air to swirl upward from warm zones and colder air to rush in to fill the gaps.
I took a sip of the whisky and carried on.
But, to compound this. The earth, as we know, is spinning globe. The very act of its spinning pulls on the air above causing it to swirl and move according to the rotation of the earth below.
My son pondered this before replying, then a grin broke out on his face.
Ha, you almost had me for a moment, a globe earth!! Always the joker!
I chortled in return.
Indeed, I was trying to trick you. A globe earth indeed! Who would believe such a thing!
I poured a small spot of whisky in a glass for him and we continued to ruminate the night away until dawn stained the skies with her pink and red skirts.
Daddy, you will have to take him, he just won't settle!!
I staggered down from the Masturboratory that was the attic and took the little boom from the good lady's arms. He was thrashing about in quite the angry manner.
I sighed and took him downstairs, walking back and forth, attempting as normal, to bore him to sleep.
I spoke soothing words to him, to lull him into a slumber. Such as...
Ow! Don't bite me, little man!?!
And
You should try sleeping, it's fucking magic.
And
Ow, you just punched my eye?!?!
Finally, dawn broke just before I did and he fell asleep. I returned him to the crib where he plots out his evil reigns of night terror and slunk back to my bed.
Guess which scenario is the true retelling of events?
Haha 😂 please drink responsibly!
Lovely one again @meesterboom
Always responsible!
At least you didn't say "I am going to f*cking throw you out the window!"
ALtho if you do try that one, it's sure to bring the good lady running in right quick, and you then can go back to your slumbers ;o) (or scotch)
Haha, then I might say it out loud then because was certainly saying similar in my head. It was one of the worst nights ever!!
I did yell that right out loud once and hubby came running in! He was like "oh my god!!" I was like "I'm not throwing the baby out the window you ninny! but sure, here....not it!!"
Lol! When you pass em over and arent it anymore its bloody magic!
I am a little surprised you don't drink more. Numbing the brain is a good cure and just think Thursday. I hope you are going and making a proper night of it. You have always a back up plan ,tell the good old lady you have to go away on two days business. Check in to a local hotel and sleep for two days and recharge the batteries.Just a tempting thought.
I would love to drink more. Back when the nights were not so bad I did like to have random bevs all over the shop. But he is such an awful sleeper things have been brought to a standstill. It's pish. We stupidly thought the second would be easier cos the first was so hard... Wah!!
sir meesterboom! ha! oh that literally hurts to read it! Great job sir, anyone with kids or grandkids can relate. Here's hoping this phase is on it's way out!
I hope it's on its way out too. It can only abuse me for so long!
yes sir meesterboom but then you gotta go through it again when the next kid comes along!
Well...no guess here, but perhaps you should think of dosing the little man with some medication rather than whiskey....and it might put him in a proper sleep pattern. The breastfeeding thing...He is old enough to go off the breast now, but it is an emotional thing for a mother, so perhaps you need to suggest that the good lady should stop breastfeeding when you've had plenty of beer. I feel sorry for you cause it really seems as if he is ruling your life at this stage, but in the end this will also pass and then when they are all grown up and driving around you wish to have them small again.
Lol, I wouldn't really give him whisky. Those were just my mad imaginings. We have had all those conversations and more. He is just an awful sleeper. We can get through it though by knowing after the first one that things get better. He is 1 so anytime in the next year I would think :0D
Oh I know it was just your imagination.... my friend's child is about the same age as yours and she literally keeps herself awake. They now put her in the kitchen with all the pots and pans and make sure she can't hurt herself and while they can still hear her playing with the pots they at least they get some rest. Whether you want to know this or not.. my first child I breastfed up to ten months until he started biting me...second one up to 13 months. My second baby I refused to get up at night so he slept on top of me until he was about 18 months old, and we both slept. If he wanted to drink I just turned to my side while sleeping and he drank and then slept again. I never even opened my eyes...ha ha!
Hehe, that was what the good lady was doing. Lying on her side and he slept in with her and just helped himself, lol. Note however he is having the big awakening's. I think he might be about to start talking and his brain is going through some changes. Talking will be fun!
Your life is over...if they walk and talk they become too wise..and he might have learned some good words from you, but I'm sure it will be fun! My sister in law's one child didn't talk until she was three. Then she spoke full sentences out of the blue one day..the other one used to talk in intervals of mamamamamamamamamama! All she ever said and now they are beautiful clever little very talkative girls.
Yeah, the talking can fair wear you down despite it being awesome, lol!!!
I don't know the little boom had grown up so quickly so as to have a conversation. But, in my opinion, that was only a dream you have. Upvoted!
Life is but a dream these days :0D
Why... the first one, of course! Is there any other?? The Mountain has grown up into a gentleman and a scholar, just like his old man. I accept no other scenario other than this one! Do you hear me!? I accept nothing else!
I was thinking along the same minutes. Perhaps I shall take him out hunting and whilst traipsing through the undergrowth, muse in the relevance of man in modernity!! :0)
By now, do you know yourself?
Alas, gone are the days one could use a dummy soaked in spirits with sugar.
If the good lay want a baby evangelist I would do it.
I don't think I know who I am. I will attempt a ridiculously early beer tonight to salvage some sanity
Then, just when you think thongs couldn't get worse, along comes number three.
Ha! Shoosh! No number three'ing!
that's when it happens, the boss forgets to take the pill, Golly Gosh, at least you can reuse the baby clothes.
That photo looks like Marshmallow Man in Ghostbusters.
Hehe, it's my face on a character from a british tv show for kids. In the Night Garden I believe that the character in question is Iggle Piggle!
That's not a show I am familiar with. Shocking I know!
Hahahah, I had never heard of such dross either till parenthood!