My Elfin Grot

The house was empty and oddly quiet. It was very peaceful.

I kicked back in my chair and marvelled at the quietness. The little lady had returned to School today after a mid-term holiday and the Good lady had taken the little Boom out on some kind of Doula business.

I hoped her Doula business wasn't too witchy. She was meeting that strange other Doula lady, Olette again and frankly, she weirded me right out.

I was almost at a loss as to what to do without the running about wiping children's arses or telling them no a million times.

Then I remembered! Ha, I had a life once!

I started searching for the remnants of it.

In no time at all, I had unearthed one of my electric guitars. Magnificent! I plugged it in and despite the strings being a bit cardboardy and stiff from lack of use I was soon knocking out all manner of death metal chugs and screeches.

After a long and happy finger twiddling I moved on. What else was there?

I felt a moment of panic, shit, it was nearly lunchtime, shouldn't I be making something with carbs and cheese for the children.

Then a grin split my face. Ha, there were no children about. I could make what I pleased. In fact, I could go mad with spices?!

Hot food? Hot damn!

I tootled off to the kitchen and made myself something awesome with real meat and spice. Then I carried it through and sat on my lap eating whilst staring at the TV.

Underneath my TV something crouched. Something that stirred a memory. What the hell was it?

I put down my something awesome and went over to investigate.

It was an Xbox One.

Good grief, had I ever had time for such frivolities as playing games? I grabbed the controller and dragged it back to the couch.

I flicked it on.

There was already a game in it, my heart skipped a beat when I saw it was Fallout 4. I loaded it up and started playing.

Many hours later my phone chimed. It was the good lady.

Hey you, we will be back soon. Hope you haven't missed us too much?

I laughed, a laugh of guilt and game playing mania.

Of course I have, my little potato pie.

The good lady laughed in return.

Good, I am glad you have enjoyed yourself and not just spent the day jacking off.

My laughter tailed off. Cheeky mare.

Well, no. I haven't actually. I have been busy with other things so there.

What like?

She asked, a little suspiciously it must be said.

I have been playing my Xbox.

I said with more than a little teenage pride.

The Good Lady's eyes rolled so hard I heard them over the phone.

Hmm, practically the same thing. Can you get on with dinner, we will be home in twenty minutes.

I agreed to start on the dinner and hung up.

I sighed and looked around the calm and quiet child free room before moving over to the Xbox and patting it on the flanks fondly.

Till next time, milady. I promise it won't be so long.