It's Time To Tell

This is going to be hard.

I sighed to myself in the bathroom mirror. I had been bottling it up too long. It was time the Good Lady knew the truth.

The real truth.

We had been together a long time, she and I.

No secrets we had always said. Relationships are hard enough without secrets burning a hole through them.

Slowly, I made my way downstairs. It would be a lie to say that my heart wasn't heavy with the task that now lay ahead.

But she had to know the truth. She deserved to know.

It was a dark and troubling secret and it had burdened me for too long now. It would be a relief to be free of it.

I wondered what she would think. She could be a fiery one. What if she tried to fight me? Would I have to put her down like a dog?

These thoughts and more plagued me as I went down the stairs to the lounge.

On entering, I could see that the Good Lady knew something was amiss.

Daddy-Bear, you ok? You look weird?

She said, beginning to rise from her seat.

I motioned her to remain seated and flumped down across from her.

Listen, lass. We have to talk.

I said heavily.

Oh God, what is it? Is it serious??!

The Good Lady looked panicked as if I were about to impart something terrible. Something that perhaps might change everything. Perhaps she saw our little family, torn apart and her living in a cardboard box with a flea-bitten dog called Simon.

Oh well. Here goes.

Baby-cheeks, I'm sorry, there is no easy way to say this. You know that cheaper toilet paper you bought that you think is amazing and saving us a fortune? It's not amazing. In fact, it's shit. I hate it.

The Good Lady made to speak but I silenced her with an upraised hand.

I know. I know. This is upsetting for you.

I stood and took a step toward her and clasped her hand.

I know it. But my fingers keep poking through it. It's a nightmare. On every toilet visit I end up with choc-fudge-fingers. It's no way for a man like me to live?!

I gesticulated toward the unseen toilet Gods in the sky.

I want to go back to the way it was before?!

I cried in anguish.

Can we?

I half asked, half begged.

Alright, Daddy-Bear. Don't get your knickers in a twist. We will go back to the more expensive good stuff. I didn't like the new stuff much either.

She looked at me and smiled.

I smiled too. Maybe just maybe, we could get through this.