It's A Date!
Hey dude, you are quite friendly with Julia aintcha?
I was on the train heading into the office. I looked up to see Eric, a guy I worked with.
Eh, well aye. She sits near me?
He flumped down on the seat next to me smiling happily.
Excellent man, excellent. Can you ask her out for a coffee at lunch or something?
Can I fucking what?
Eric was single, having recently split up with his wife. He had obviously decided enough time had passed for him to be on the market and went on excitedly to detail a cunning plan involving me asking Julia out for a friendly coffee and then him joining us by accident. He would then use this as groundwork for asking her out on a real date.
I didn't like it.
What a shit idea. Why don't you just ask her to go for a coffee yourself? None of this involving me pish?
He made a Vegan eating crabsticks face.
No way man, I need somebody to fill in the gaps, you know crack the jokes if it gets awkward.
Hmm, was I was supposed to be flattered by this? It didn't bode well. I mean what if they hit it off famously? Where would it end? Would I be in the same bed cracking one off whilst they did it beside me just in case he lost his rhythm and I had to step in to maintain the pace?
I didn't like it. Not one bit.
Nah mate, listen. Just ask her if she fancies a coffee at lunchtime. She will either say yes or no. No subterfuge. Honesty is the best option.
He stared at me like I was a masturbating monkey on the vinegar stroke.
So you're not going to help me out?
I just don't think it's wise matey-chops?
Alright, fair enough.
He looked a bit stricken and pulled his phone out pretending to look at Facebook. Oh well, I guess that conversation was over. I went back to browsing Steemit as is my thing on the morning train. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him bite his top lip. He seemed a bit narked.
You just seem quite friendly with her so I thought you wouldn't mind?
I looked up.
It's not that I mind, it's just that I think if you want to ask her out you should ask her out. Not skulk around with cunning plans.
Sorry, I just... I just really like her.
Somewhere in my coal black heart something shifted uncomfortably.
I remembered those days. I mean, I was never as hopeless at inserting my penis into things as Eric obviously was but I remembered how hard it could be when you were single.
Fuck it, I will see if I can organise something, maybe a night out. Ok?
Aw man, cheers mate. You're the best!
He spent the rest of the journey talking excitedly about a load of boring shite.
I scowled out the window cursing myself for being a big softy.
Wow, you get to be a wing man...
If it goes right you get no credit and if it goes wrong you get the blame from both sides.
Good luck.
That's exactly what will happen and knowing him slightly I can see it being the latter
Haha I see a messy love triangle post ahead! xD
Matchmaker, matchmaker? No way!
I am struggling to believe it myself! But wait, what if I am really good at it! It could be a new career!!
Evidently you have charm and talent you had not recognized but those in need of this service pick up on it right away! Lol.
I must exude it from my pores!
Or, maybe your sheer animal magnetism! Lol
Meestercupidoom hehehehe ;)
That sounds apt! ;0)
aw!
stuck with this one chico?
you should be like a matchmaker but charge him lol
btw.. a monkey what?
Like a masturbating monkey!! Oh wait, do you mean the vinegar stroke? Lol, that's the but just before the, ahem spurty but where you make a funny face as if you have had a spoonful of vinegar!!
Maybe I should charge him!
lol .. okay thanks for clarifying
hahaha
you should!
BY THE HOUR !
or minute?
I'm out of here gotta attend a late New Year drink party around here haha
I would get to that party, this conversion is going into the gutter fast!! Hehe :0)
You know quite often men are blamed for having less of a vocabulary. Nonsense I'd say, take alone the extended vocabulary we have for things like marsturbation.
To J-off, spanking the grease monkey, chocking the one eyed snake and let just me leave it at that. Cracking one off, just got added for me.
Seems a bit dangerous to me though that cunning plan of Eric. What if she fancies you instead, but until that moment she was not aware of it? He'd be the odd one out. And she'd say something like: "Sorry Eric, Boomster and I just were having a private conversation, see ya back at work, okay?"
There must be some kind of way out o' here
Said the joker to the thief
There's too much confusion here
I get can get no relief
All along that watchtower!
I do love the million and one expressions for knocking one out etc. Hehehe We have more words for it than the eskimos have for snow!!
If she has any sense she will swoon and fall for me. I fail to see how she couldnt :O)
Yes, that's the one!
Our vocab is just close to perfect, well, on some important issues that is, of course.
And indeed she will go down, like a tree trunk that was not even sawn halfway through. It is the magic Boom touch. :-)
Wonder which way this will go...
Hahah, ah you have a magic way with words! Yes indeed she will!
You are too nice!! So now YOU have to ask her for coffee and then casually say to your boy, oh, chum, want to join us? Sounds awful!
Maybe get a handful of office mates to go for a beer after work (is that realistic?) and then just have one beer and skedaddle.
I know! I don't know what came over me! I think the beers after work idea is best. Now I just have to do the actual organising blegh
I had to step in to maintain the pace I can't even.
Hehe, I know, but what if!! :0D
What an awkward situation dear friend @meesterboom, when I was young had the reputation of being very good with women all wanted to be my friend, once at a party a friend, who after I stopped being one, asked me to intercede because they had fought, I refused categorically, however I was convinced, I went to the appointment to solve the nobiazgo and finally I ended the girl bonding with my person, there ended the friendship with the other boy, this situation sulen be dangerous.
And what about you, will you get that appointment for Eric?
I wish you a wonderful evening
I will try but I don't see it going well. I don't think he and she are matched at all!! It might end up the same way your situation did!
I am always getting in to these situations, I am always saying yes when I mean maybe or even NO.
and also - what is a vinegar stroke. Do I even want to know?
Hehe, you probably don't want to know!
But for the sake of clarity it is my duty to spread the good word. It's... the bit just before the, ahem spurty spurty where you make a funny face as if you have had a spoonful of vinegar!!
ahhhh. i didnt want to know
Spurty spurt. ... 😂😂
;O) sometimes ignorance is truly bliss!
You are the best, BOOM-erang! I'm glad he knew it! I mean, you don't have the best grasp of what a wingman should be doing (I think?), but you're surely made to help people out. How old is he? The dating scene isn't as it was before. There always has to be some gimmicks involved. I remembered my turn years ago. All these questions of how much polar bears weigh and other pickup lines. It was only when I let the gimmicks go did I find my belle. But, I did have my fair share of being a wingman. Not the bed substitute kind though. Should I be snapping my fingers because of lost opportunities?
I think you should be counting your lucky stars that you didn't have to be a valiant second
He is nearly forty. You think he would know better. I hope he doesn't start to ask me about tinder and all that jazz!!!
1,2,3,4, hmm.. is that a star? Oh huh, I think so. 5.
40!? He should've planned ahead!! Here I though he was in his late 20s!! Man, it's definitely tough to be 40 years old and in the market. Slim pickings unless he's a millionaire!