Bear
You love the evvy bears eh?
Guttered a thickly accented voice behind me.
I froze, my sphincter reflexively slamming shut against unauthorised intrusion.
What in the name of banjano, did someone just ask me if I like heavy bears?! Shit!
I looked over my shoulder. Lurking just behind me was the huge bearded chap from the till. I could make out a glistening pink mouth under that beard no doubt wet from imagining me naked and covered in jam.
It was certainly the last thing I had expected when I popped into the beer shop at lunchtime to find some exotic jazzy beers for my Saturday beer post.
The day had been flying by and being a Friday I had the weekend vibe going on. What better time to choose some funky beer magic to drink at the weekend I had thought.
So I had dived up to the cool beer shop that is not too far from my work. It was deserted apart from the big bearded man standing at the till. As I came in, he gave a friendly nod.
Eyop lad!
I nodded cheerily at him despite not having a fucking clue what he had just said.
Mere moments later I was lost in browsing some of the truly exotic and strange beers that they have in the shop. I had just picked up a strong, dark, coffee porter when he had materialised behind me with his gruff voice demanding that I love heavy bears.
Hahah ah!
I exclaimed. Not knowing if he really was about to polish me with his penis.
I clutched the coffee porter bottle tighter. It could serve as an ample weapon.
We can't even fit all the bears in! Eh!
Said Bear-man.
Holy shit. How many bears were there?
I looked around the shop in some alarm but it still seemed deserted.
Bear-man had noted my wild swinging of the head.
The other bears are oop the back. Eh.
Are they! Ha!
I exclaimed with a crazed air.
In my head I was already weeping for the sanctity of my pretty buttocks.
Bear-man tilted his head to the side.
You wanna come and see?
I swooned. Well, I didn't but I almost did. This was it. I was going to be taken up the back and used like an old rag. I could almost hear my old mum squawking - This is where all those fancy beers lead you!
Bear-man waved an arm impatiently toward the back.
I looked where he pointed. Even my eyes were reluctant. Then I saw it. An alcove right up the back of the shop behind a half drawn curtain.
I gasped slightly at the sight.
Row upon row of beers I had never seen before on shelves at the back.
I looked at Bear-man.
BEERS!!! You mean BEERS!!!
Bear-man looked puzzled.
Aye, what did you think ah meant?
I gave him a playful nudge in the arm.
Hoho! Never you mind what I thought cheekychops!
I headed up the back to see the bears.
Can't wait to see which bears you brought home with you for tomorrow's taste test. He sounds like quite the character and his shop sounds awesome!
His ship is amazing it really is. Even better is that it is his wife's shop and he just helps out because he loves bears!!
I got talking to him after seeing the Bears up the back, lol!
Cheers to the freakin weekend! I love them evvy bears too, the evvier the better!
Luv em evvy!! Eres to an evvy bear lass!!!
:0D
I'll drink to that me boom! xo
A slight mispronounciation can alter the whole conversation upside down. The bearded man must work on his pronounciation to prevent further mishaps in the future. Upvoted!
He should. In fact he should be caned!!
Hi meesterboom. It is amazing how the sphincter protects itself slamming the door shut when under threat lol. Any object is a threat to a straight male that is. Nice story and yes we often nod our heads to shit we don't know what we are nodding for.
I am the ultimate nodder! My text is littered with nods! :0D
Normally I nod anyway to something because I just didn't give a shit to listen. Has backfired in the past though.
It has backfired spectacularly on me too particularly in work!!
I wonder if they sell Pears of the Realm at the local fruiterer's.
I believe they might... but only in pairs I have heard.
BTW was that bear guy a local? I mean, is it the local accent or a speech impediment that makes him say "bear" to "beer"? And what does he call a bear?
It was an accent from the north of England. I think maybe Yorkshire, it is very distinctive and hard to understand! I think bears are also bears, fortunately in Britain we are not plagued with real bears.
In the states or Canada his survival rate might be quite low
Look out, BEARS!
Yorkshireman: Oh yummy, ah loov bears!
Arrgh
I remember now, the ones that have changed all the vowels and use old Viking words. "Lowp ovver t'yat or fallo t'ginnel". I once tried to learn at least some words, but gave up. Quite a cross to beer, such an accent.
Shudder.
Hehe, yes it is quite a cross to beer!
Actually I googled the accent, its Newcastle!
Not as bad as rural Yorkshire, but still weird.
Yeah, rural yorkshire wins hands down but it is a close second!
This crypto beer market is making me so drunk! xD
Don't even joke mate, when i first started to learn english bear and beer always had me confused! I once made a whole story where the main character was a beer instead of a bear... i can't even imagine what my teacher thought about the story, she probably thought i had some drinking problem...
Hehe, that's funny!
You should have heard this guy's accent, it was quite fantastic. I could barely understand a word and I think he gained from only a 100 odd miles away!
And the crypto beer market is killing me too!!
LOL Glad you made it out with your 'sanctity' intact. Looking forward to tomorrow's bears :D
The Bears will be amazing! Hehe: 0)
LOL hilarious, when you can't understand someone, and all the different thoughts that race through your mind. Then finally you figure out what they were saying. hahaha. And look you found a whole new room to explore with all kinds of different bears.... er um I mean beers. lol :) Good one my man!
I am so very glad to have found such a bear bounty!!! :0)
hahahah I bet! :) Looking forward to the taste tasting videos and post.
After a long week I am looking forward to trying them. But I am in a quandary. I already had two picked out and today I bought a better two. Choices choices!
mmm so why not try all 4 of them??? quandary solved! I am a genius...I know.
It makes for too long and winfing a post. When I first started out I used to do four or five I think. But at the same time as reviewing them I want to chill!
So I worked out that two for steemit and a few more offline was just perfect! :O)
ahh yes that makes sense. :) Good call. You are the master boom after all. and meester. haha
Hehe, it's been trial and error!
I do have to wonder why you would have thought there would be bears in a beer shop, as opposed to beers. I mean, yes, I know there was already one (semi) by the counter, but even so, it boggles the mind. Maybe he meant beards?
Maybe he did but one thing I have learned in life is to never underestimate anything!!
:0)
Phew, it was touch and go there for a moment. Thought you might be getting the bear treatment in the worst way but like a love story for the ages it ended with you ina happy place. Surrounded by delicious and hopefully mind numbing BEERS!!!!
It was exactly like a love story of the best kind! Beer beer glorious beer! Imagine having such a variety he didnt have room for them in the front bit!